Title: Haunted Pages
Genre: YA Paranormal
When Johnny Engel, a teenaged ghost, discovers he can possess the minds and bodies of readers, 18 year-old Cole Lewis finds himself checking out more than he bargained for from the local library.
First Sentence:
Johnny Engel lived for books.
Would like to know more in the pitch. What's at stake? What does Cole have to protect? What does Johnny want or gain by possessing the minds and bodies of readers?
ReplyDeleteThank you! I realize now that I definitely should have included more of the plot in my pitch (live and learn! :) ). I really appreciate your feedback.
DeleteI think this has a great hook, but the plot of the story is lacking. I would take more time to really use the 150 words to develop the plot and stakes. As it is now, it is not quite enough to go on.
ReplyDeleteThank you! You are so right that I need to develop the story more in the pitch. I'm glad you liked the hook, and I'm grateful for your comment.
DeleteYup, sounds like a great premise....hope to see more!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Heather!
DeleteI like the premise but as others have said I want to know more about the stakes. What is Johnny going to make people do? What will be the consequences for Cole? I'm not sure if this story is going to be told from two POVs kind of like in the book THE HOST. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rena! I'm glad you like the premise, and also grateful for your questions, which will help me revise the pitch.
DeleteI agree that the pitch needs a lot more developing but I have to say, what an AWESOME concept! Really curious about this one. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kimberly! That means a lot!
DeleteWhat I like: This is terrific for a logline or a very short pitch
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: But you seem a skilled and clever writer so I would love to see what you could do with the full 150 words : )
Great job!
Thank you, Eliza! I will definitely try to work up a longer pitch for the future!
Delete