Title: SOMETHING WICKED
Genre: NA Contemporary Fantasy
Pitch:
Blood magic drives you mad. So does family. Twenty-year-old witch Rose LeFey has problems with both, especially when she discovers fae, werewolves, and a vampire imprisoned in her Aunt Sorcha’s basement. Sorcha stole their blood, and intends to use its power to re-ignite an ancient conflict.
Determined to prevent a LeFey-led atrocity, Rose frees the captives. Together they pursue Sorcha to the gates of the fae city. There’s just one problem—when Rose releases the werewolf, Dar, she triggers a spell that forges a mate-bond between them. Now Rose can barely resist pouncing on him like a starving jungle cat.
Passion, power and LeFeys are a dangerous combination. But to stop Sorcha’s war, Rose must harness her repressed blood magic without letting it consume her. If she fails, she’ll become the protégé her aunt wanted all along. If she succeeds, she’ll break every spell – including her bond with Dar.
First line:
All witches liked their accessories – even the bad ones.
I so love "Now Rose can barely resist pouncing on him like a starving jungle cat". Lol. I'm not quite sure why passion, power and LeFeys are a dangerous combo or why it's such a bad thing that her bond with Dar could be broken. Perhaps in the second paragraph give us a line telling us why this mate-bond with Dar is dangerous or problematic etc. Is it because he gets in the way of her mission to stop Sorcha?
ReplyDeleteI still think this sounds like an awesome read. Good look!
I think is is more clear and gripping. So she doesn't mean to create the bond with Dar, but then she doesn't want to break it, so I guess she really does want to be with him? I'm also curious about why her own magic could consume her. Maybe that can be explained a bit more in a full query. The aunt sounds like a great villain. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLove that the aunt is the villain. Great stakes too.
ReplyDeleteI think this is submission ready to go! The only thing I found is that the way it's worded, the First Sentence could refer to bad witches or bad accessories. That may be intentional, or it could be a misplaced modifier? Good job and good luck!
ReplyDeleteFrom a Judge: While I love the idea of witches loving to accessorize, I'd like to see you tweak that opening sentence to make it clear and to engage us with your character even more. The pitch itself is very strong, and I love that the stakes are so clearly delineated, but the last line falls flat because you haven't established what she feels about her bond with the werewolf. We don't een know whether we want to root for breaking the bond or keeping it. Straighten that out, and I think you'll be in great shape.
ReplyDeleteGreat first line!! (however I think it needs clarification) And great last line of your pitch. I'm sure there's more than "one problem", though, I would reprhase that sentence starting with "There's just one problem"
ReplyDelete