Title: SIDEWALK CHALK
Pitch: MG contemporary fantasy
Thirteen-year-old Jake meets Galen, an artist whose brain-meltingly awesome works of 3-D Sidewalk Chalk Art serve as a portal to the magical worlds beneath the streets of New York.
When one of Jake's friends runs down the steps into a drawing, it sets off a chain of events that leads to the most annoying kid in school following him in, and the next morning Jake finding the chalk paw prints of the hundreds of creatures that followed him out.
After watching Home Alone like a thousand times, Jake and his friends chase the creatures through Central Park to a showdown at Belvedere Castle where they attempt to destroy them. If they fail, New York will be overrun and the door to these worlds will remain open forever.
SIDEWALK CHALK is Home Alone meets Despicable Me as sidewalk-painting, monster-hunting, minion-leading, middle schoolers have chalk creatures crawling out of their drawing issues.
First Sentence:
Sidewalk chalk is only good for drawing bases in the middle of the street, and filling the extra-long socks of your extra-long older brother on Halloween . . . or so I thought.
Your concept is intriguing. I'm wondering though what watching Home Alone has to do with the story? Do they watch the movie for tips? Maybe cut that line. As for your first sentence, I'm not sure whose brother you are referring to (the MC's brother or friend's brother or are you meaning to address the reader?) I would love to read to read more. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI have seen this one before, and love how it has evolved! Very interesting concept. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI've seen this one before and love the concept. I would really like to read this story.
ReplyDeleteI love the premise, I've never seen anything like this. However, the pitch seems a bit disjointed to me, I'm not sure how all of the pieces tie in. (Also, not sure why you capitalize sidewalk chalk art in the premise.) But still, I think the concept is great! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteVery creative, love the premise. Excellent first sentence and the image of chalky minion footsteps is awesome. The only part that could use another pass is the portion about the two kids that go down the stairs. Are they never seen again? Is a rescue in order? I realize we all only have 150 words but it seemed important enough to you to mention it but I'm not sure where it fits with the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteGot my vote!
I love the concept, but I agree with Jodie: the pitch feels a bit disjointed. Right now, it seems more like a synopsis, since the showdown sounds like something that must happen near the end of the book. Maybe you could include something on the strategies Jake and his friends use to combat the chalk monsters, rather than mentioning the showdown itself?
ReplyDeleteBrain-meltingly awesome. LOVE how you work the voice into your pitch. I agree that the pitch needs a little tightening, but I'd gladly pick up and buy this book if that were the back cover blurb. Such a fascinating concept!
ReplyDeleteWhat I like: I love LOVE the idea of a world accessible via street chalk drawing and the setting, especially Belvedere Castle!
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: A few possible grammatical/wording issues:
Awkward phrasing here>> ‘one of Jake's friends runs down.’
Also ‘down the steps into a drawing’ is a little wordy- is there an easier/smoother way to say this?
In fact, this whole sentence ‘When one of Jake's friends runs down the steps into a drawing, it sets off a chain of events that leads to the most annoying kid in school following him in, and the next morning Jake finding the chalk paw prints of the hundreds of creatures that followed him out’ is a whopper- maybe rework.
“After watching Home Alone like a thousand times” –the way this is worded makes it sound like they literally sat down, watched the film 1,000 times and then went to the park.
Also this sentence>> “SIDEWALK CHALK is Home Alone meets Despicable Me as sidewalk-painting, monster-hunting, minion-leading, middle schoolers have chalk creatures crawling out of their drawing issues.” If you get rid of the descriptors, you have (oversimplified) ‘SIDEWALK CHALK is a NOUN as an ADJECTIVE, ADJECTIVE, ADJECTIVE.’ –Don’t’ those adjectives need a noun of their own?
Great job!