Title: Chemicals Collide
Genre: Ya/Contemporary
Pitch:
Sixteen-year-old Sara knows the name of every single cleaning product under the kitchen sink. She knows which to use before school and which to use after to ensure each day runs as efficiently as possible. Which isn’t an easy feat when you’re an only child living with your chronically OCD mother. But all of her self-preservation skills don’t tell her how to deal with Harvey, a boy who seems to pop up at the most inopportune moments.
Harvey is polite, intelligent, and even a little charming but Sara doesn’t have time for theHarvey’s of the world. She’s got her arms full with the dreadfully dull Tristan, and bad boy Speedway racer Logan, who appeases Sara’s desperate need to rebel. In between being the perfect, immaculate daughter at home, and the exact opposite in town, Sara is starting to think that maybe anxiety runs in the family.
First Sentence:
The smell of chemicals filled the air and I struggled not to gag as I scoured the bottom of the shower.
This is a really intriguing pitch! I'm not entirely sure what's at stake, but you've done a beautiful job of introducing your main character and setting the stage for the story. But what does Sara want? And what will happen if she doesn't get it? I think if you work that in, this will be (pardon the pun) "pitch perfect." :)
ReplyDeleteI like the second half of the pitch but I'm confused by the first paragraph. It seems to me, from your first line, that Sara may have OCD. It's not clear until the end that we learn she strives to be perfect and that connects us to the beginning.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction of the three boys adds an element of fun in wanting to know how Sara deals with all of them.
Good luck!
This sounds fantastic! :) I love books that deal with characters who have disorders like OCD, ADHD, Autism, etc. I agree with TwinB10, though. I thought Sara was the one who had OCD at first. That really confused me.
ReplyDeleteCount on a vote from me!
This sounds fantastic! I only have two suggestions: that you reword "But all of her self-preservation skills don’t tell her how to deal with Harvey" to "But none of her self-preservation skills tell her how to deal with Harvey" so it flows a little better, and that you nix the comma after Tristan. Otherwise, this is great.
ReplyDeleteThe only real plot here is a possible romance. Does something else happen? Something bigger with her mom? Just feels like its missing something
ReplyDeleteI was immediately intrigued by this, but I'm not sure who has the OCD here--the mom, the daughter, or both. I like her two selves battling it out and the anxiety theme but, like the others said above, I'm not quite sure what the conflict and stakes are. It may all be there in the novel but hasn't been brought out in the pitch. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhat I like: I was super intrigued by your first two lines.
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: But I felt a tad lost after that- I need to see more of what Sara wants and what’s standing in her way –maintain that sense of urgency you started with.
Great job!
Your first paragraph pulled me in especially the first sentence. But I'm not sure what's at stake. Will she get hurt if she stays with the bad boy? WIll her two worlds collide? Etc.
ReplyDelete