Title: The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown
Genre: Humorous MG, Contemporary
Pitch:
The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown is Dork Diaries meets Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and shows readers how to find their inner superhero.
Eleven year-old Ruby Bella Brown creates comics to escape from her wacky family, bullying ex-best friend, and humiliating bra-tastrophes. She’s terrified that last years’ ditch-a-thon will become an annual event, and keeps secrets from her replacement best friend, Julia. But it backfires. Now she’s in danger of losing her, too. The only thing she wants as much as a forever friend is to go to art camp. But just as her dream is about to come true, she’s forced to choose between working with her favorite cartoonist or helping Julia—hoping she’ll turn into a forever friend.
First sentence:
I’d eat worms or kiss a gross boy like Stinky Gorman to make sure my eleventh birthday won’t be another suck-a-rama.
I love the language in your query and first sentence. They both capture the middle grade voice. And the comparison titles sound spot on. "Replacement friend" bothered me. What about "new friend?" Replacement to me made it sound like Julia doesn't quite measure up to her old friend. Maybe that's what you are going for but it does make the MC sound a little mean. I would certaintly read on. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love the idea of a young comics creator! Your voice is fantastic, too.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rena about the 'replacement friend" and about using 'new friend' instead. Or maybe even 'new friend-but-not-best-friend friend' lol.
ReplyDeleteThis sentence threw me off a bit : She’s terrified that last years’ ditch-a-thon will become an annual event, and keeps secrets from her replacement best friend, Julia. But it backfires.
I'm guessing everyone ditched her on her birthday? But I'm not sure what secrets she kept from Julia that would back fire. Maybe try and clarify a bit, or you could cut it out and skip right to "The only thing she wants...
Besides that, this sounds really cute. I was a drawer in school and I dreamed of making comics and even went to art school, so this is something that definitely hit home for me. Including the forever friend. <3
Already some good suggestions here. Just want to say I ADORE the voice. It's so perfectly "tween." Humor with a touch of snark. I can see my oldest daughter loving this. Beautifully done!
ReplyDeleteReally cute and adore the first line. Feels appropriately MG level snark. I do agree with the comments above and would clarify or 'ditch' ditch-a-thon.
ReplyDeleteThis is great! Best of luck :)
I like the voice in this pitch. It's near perfect for middle grade. Definitely on my list of favorite entries.
ReplyDeleteThis is super cute! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI love the quirkiness of the characters and their names. The first line is filled with the MC's voice and has me wondering what's going to happen. The comparison between the two well-known books is excellent. i'd definitely read on. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLove the voice! I know many MG girls who would love to read about bra-tastrophes, and forever friends. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWhat I Liked: I loved all the jargon -It just works so well!
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: I did feel the motives got a bit mish-mashed at the end- she wants a forever friend, but then she wants art camp – I would love for the last two sentences to be clarified a bit so it’s not jumbled.
Great Job!
Loved that first line of the story. It brought out the main character's personality and showed she is very quirky and interesting. I agree with other's comments about changing the phrase, "replacement best friend." To me, that made her sound like she wasn't being a true friend to anyone, but was out looking for someone who was "better" than her former best friend. I absolutely want to read more!
ReplyDeleteI really love this concept. I've loved a lot of comic book pitches that I've seen lately, but haven't noticed a lot of agent love for them in contests. That disappoints me as my kids would love to read one like this.
ReplyDeleteSpot on voice and please, who doesn't want to find their inner superhero??? You had me at the get-go!
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a fun read. I love the voice and the first line.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your helpful comments. I'm so incredibly grateful for the chance to make Ruby's pitch even stronger. And wow, I'm still smiling from all of your sweet comments.
ReplyDeleteThis has been such a wonderful experience for me, thanks to the people who put this contest together and all of you. :)