Genre: YA Romance/Sci Fi
Title: Defying the Stars
Pitch:
When sixteen-year-old Virginia Sawyer moves to the backwoods of Upstate New York, she’s reluctantly drawn into the town’s obsession with the Swifts. Untangling the mystery behind the extraordinary family is a harmless pastime, until she meets the eldest son, Alvin.
The marks on Alvin’s arms look like constellations—like she could read her future in them. When she finds out what fate—and Alvin’s father—have in store for him, solving the mystery behind the marks becomes critical.
Alvin says she’s come to Ashwood for a reason, but the Swifts find fate in everything: what they eat, when the sleep, how they think, and when they will die.
The date is set.
The time is fixed.
The Swifts are preparing to leave this earth. But there is one thing they didn’t foresee: Virginia and Alvin have fallen in love, and there’s no way on earth she will let him go.
First line:
Three months before the world ended, at least for the Swifts, I moved to Ashwood, New York.
This gave me chills. The good kind. Seriously, there's a trail of goose bumps tickling its way up my arm. I love how you brought an already intriguing pitch vibrantly to life. If I read this as back cover on a book I would have to choice but to buy it and make it MINE ALL MINE. :) Well done!
ReplyDeleteThank you bebe!
DeleteI agree, it's well done. I'm not sure of your first sentence, you're giving away too much about the story. The pitch sounds like the Swifts have set a date for the world to end but not when. Maybe take a look at your second sentence to see if it fits. I like the idea of a "clock" in the story, she has three months to figure it out but I'd lead the reader in slower.
ReplyDeleteThanks Kathleen! Great advice.
DeleteI agree with Kimberly- reading this does give you goosebumps, in the best way. It's such an original premise, and there's a mysterious, slightly menacing quality to it that I love. The writing is spellbinding- it really hooks you in and doesn't let you go. It definitely makes me want to spend more time with these characters.
ReplyDeleteThank you bebe! + thanks for your help!!!
DeleteDoes upstate need a capital letter? We don't use that term in Australia so I'm not sure.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure how much it's changed, but I find this pitch is grabbing me much more this time.
Thanks for commenting!
DeleteHey there! A few quick things:
ReplyDelete1. Consider either elaborating on what makes them an "extraordinary" family or swapping it out for another descriptive word, i.e. secretive, cult-like, etc.
2. Does Virginia actually read her future from constellations? If not, this phrase might distract from the actual plot.
3. We know the date is set, but could you give an indication of how far away it is? Everyone loves a pitch with a ticking clock.
Otherwise, great job! :)
I really liked the premise of this. The pitch really lays out the plot and the drama increases by the one line sentences toward the end. This sounds like a fantastic story I'd love to read.
ReplyDeleteThank You!
DeleteI love everything about this pitch - can't wait to read the whole book!
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you!
Delete