Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Title: Crazy Like Heaven 

Genre: YA 


15-year-old PAN, searching for a place of peace and harmony, instead finds 19-year-old AGGIE. A starry-eyed companion who draws attention just by drawing breath, Aggie wasn’t in Pan’s plans, but she can’t just leave her to the wolves in pimps’ clothing. Sex, drugs and rock & roll drive Los Angeles in 1969. Peace and harmony are hard to find. CHARLIE, the charismatic leader of a hippie commune known as The Family, offers the girls a place to belong Weighed down by her many secrets, Pan only trusts Aggie. But Aggie is wilting under Charlie’s influence. When Pan angers Charlie, who explosively attacks her, Aggie does nothing to stop him. Worse, Aggie has revealed Pan’s secrets to Charlie. Pan buries herself in the rock music scene, but ultimately is forced to choose between Aggie’s safety and her own success. 

First sentence: 

Comes a time when going to hell is not a bad option.


  1. I like the setting having grown up in the sixties, but I think your pitch can be tightened up. I'd leave out phrases like 'who draw's attention......breath." I didn't get the line about "leaving her to the wolves in pimps clothing. Overall, I think you need to make this less about telling the story and more about the stakes for the girls. I like the tension Charlie brings to the story. Wilting under Charlie's influence is an excellent line.

    Your first sentence is compelling and speaks of what is to come. I like the premise of the story. I think your pitch can be better just by taking out some of the superfluous phrases. Good luck.

  2. I love the thought of a YA novel centered on 60s rock, but your pitch currently reads more like a synopsis. I'd like to see more action and a greater sense of the stakes.

  3. What I like: I was excited by LA in the 60s and the commune.

    What I would like: I also felt it was a bit like listed events. Also, not sure why CHARLIE is in caps and you’re missing a ‘.’ after beyond.

    Great job!

  4. The pitch could definitely use more voice woven into it, but the first line has a super strong voice to it and I found the contrast interesting. I'm curious to know if the unique vibe of the first line carries forward into the rest of the story. I agree that the pitch sounds a bit dry, just a listing of events, and could use some emotional grounding, but I love the setting and the concept and am curious to know how it plays out. :) Good luck!

  5. This is interesting -- the setting and relationship--but I want to know more about Pan and Aggie--the descriptions seem vague to me. What are they running from? What does starry-eyed mean? What is Pan really after--we something more concrete. And yes, it should read less like a synopsis. The opening line is quirky! I like it.

  6. Thanks for your comments. This is the first time I've tried to condense the synopsis down into a short pitch, so your words will come in handy!


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