Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry #35 - CONDUIT

Genre: Paranormal NA

Not everyone turns seventeen twice, unless you’re a Conduit—a reincarnated human contracted to reap souls.

For Liv Hartley, a second chance means a new college, and David, a new love interest. When another Conduit, Asher, steals her first assignment, it lands her in hot water with her afterlife caseworker. While attempting to redeem herself, Liv’s life is threatened. Asher is forced to bind his soul to hers to protect her. Liv soon discovers there’s more to Asher than bad boy attitude and movie star looks—and the fact his touch is a drug Liv craves.

Even though Liv has fallen for David, she can’t shake her feelings for Asher. David is kind, honest, and promises the kind of future Liv could never have with Asher. But when Liv gets her toughest assignment yet—to reap David’s soul—she must decide whether to follow through with the contract or risk losing her soul instead.

First sentence:

All the people with near-death experiences got it wrong.


  1. I love the additional explanation of Asher. It clears up a lot of questions commenters had before and the first sentence kicks butt (as usual!)

  2. Agreed...the first sentence is fantastic. I really don't know what to say here! Love the stakes. I feel like I am reading the back of a book jacket, and preparing to pay for it at the cash out! Good job! I also love the fact that her name is Liv (as in Live twice!) That may just be a coincidence. Either way, I like it!

  3. Awww, thanks guys! Appreciate the comments!

  4. Oh! You deal with Asher so well now! Just nit-picky, but how about ... While attempting to redeem herself, ... (give us a hint of the danger) threatens Liv's life. To protect her, Asher binds his soul to hers. (little stronger without the is)
    So good in so few words. I am jealous. Good luck! I want to read it!

  5. I'm left wondering where this is set as the MC is 17 and going to college. Yet most NA protagonists are 18. Just food for thought.

  6. Firstly, let me say that the first line of your pitch is awesome! I like the first sentence, too.

    The last half of the pitch is fine - simple and to the point. There's a story problem, choices, stakes, and goals. It's the middle part I found myself pondering over. There's not a ton of emphasis that her job is to reap souls. From the one liner, I figured that part was quite important, but didn't get that same vibe from the first paragraph. It's obvious tension will arise from Asher and Liv, which is good telling here. I think it's this line 'While attempting to redeem herself, Liv’s life is threatened' that feels disconnected from the first line about this being her second chance.

    I just noticed Kathleen's (two above me) advice. I think she's hit it head on. Her little tweaking of your words gives more urgency to the reaping theme.

    Best of luck!

  7. Thank you everyone for your feedback and words of encouragement!


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