Title: THE LAST FLOCK
Genre: YA Post-Apocalyptic
Pitch:
Seventeen-year-old Reese survived cancer as a child, but after a biological terrorist attack, she finds herself fighting for her life again - spending what should’ve been her senior year of high school sealed in a shelter beneath the Rocky Mountains. Her broken family struggles to adjust to this new life, one without her missing older brother, and the only bright spots are the friendships that form below. Even falling in love with fellow shelter-dweller Lucas comes at a price – reconciling that everyone she left above has perished.
To make matters worse, Reese begins to suspect Joshua, the charismatic founder of the shelter, has not gathered their group entirely by chance. With uncertainty breaking bonds, Reese embarks on a mission to discover the secrets Joshua is hiding. What she uncovers is unimaginable: the greatest threat is not in the outside world, but instead sealed in the shelter with them.
First sentence:
“Probably not…”
That would be my response if you asked me the following question:
If you knew in the beginning what you do now, would you still have saved yourself?
I love post-apocalyptic books so this one caught my attention. This line needs tightening: Even falling in love with fellow shelter-dweller Lucas comes at a price – reconciling that everyone she left above has perished. I'm not sure what falling in love with Lucas has to do with reconciling. Do you mean that he's her only option now that everyone above is dead? This sounds like a good story. Good luck!
ReplyDeletePerhaps cut "to make matters worse" as this isn't needed. But other than that this story sounds sad yet action packed. I would read on for sure. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThe concept drew me in immediately. I want to know more and would keep reading.
ReplyDeleteI like this one.
ReplyDeleteI agree that the line with "reconciling" is a bit awkward and confusing. I'm not sure reconciling is the right word--accepting might make more sense here. Also not sure how the price for falling in love is accepting the death of the others--it just needs to be clarified I think. The phrase "uncertainty breaking bonds" also made me stumble. I really like the concept and claustrophobia you set up--very scary! I would read more!
ReplyDeleteFascinating pitch, great opening lines. But I'm confused as to why there are three sentences instead of just one. I guess your first line wouldn't make sense out of context but seeing such a long intro surprised me, I'll admit. Sounds like you have a fabulous story here though. :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhat I like: I love the idea of them being trapped in a shelter-rife with possibility!
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: I feel like too many disparate elements are being shakily tied together, stuff like ‘Even falling in love with fellow shelter-dweller Lucas comes at a price – reconciling that everyone she left above has perished’ or ‘Her broken family struggles to adjust to this new life, one without her missing older brother, and the only bright spots are the friendships that form below’ it feels like you are trying to give us ALL the details- but we don’t need to know everything – focus it for more forward propulsion.
I was also confused as to how she ‘embarked on a mission’ when she was trapped underground.
Great job!