Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry #76 - THE WITCH'S BREW

Title: The Witch's Brew

Genre: YA - Fractured Fairy Tale/Legal Thriller


There is a saying in Everafter: never trust a witch. So when the skeletal remains of Gretel are unearthed on the outskirts of the Dark Forest, everyone believes Mrs. Camamelo a.k.a the Candy Witch, did it. Everyone except sixteen-year old Amy Faye and the Witch’s adopted son, John.

Fuelled by her own false arrest and her growing attraction to John, Amy is determined to help the Witch get a fair trial. But uncovering the truth means committing social suicide, crossing the Chief of the Guard and undermining her mom in court.  This dangerous game of law and order could land Amy in jail or worse, in a body bag.

THE WITCH’S BREW is John Grisham’s The Accused meets Bill Willingham’s Fables: Peter and Max.

First Line:

Agreeing to a search and seizure wasn’t part of the plan. 


  1. You made so many great changes to your pitch! I especially love: This dangerous game of law and order could land Amy in jail or worse, in a body bag.

  2. Nice pitch, I like the idea of a fractured fairy tale mystery... sort of like a Sisters Grimm for YA. If you haven't read the Sisters Grimm, do so... it's a fun series. ;)

  3. Love the concept. The first time I read the 2nd paragraph, I thought the Mom was fueled by her attraction to John because she was the last person discussed. I'd read this in a heartbeat.

  4. Love this. The Fairytale market is starting to get over-crowded, but you've got a good twist on this.

    A couple of things: Camamelo - is that copyrighted?


    sixteen-year[-]old Amy Faye


    Fuelled by her own false arrest: does this mean Amy is a witch? And it could imply that she was arrested for this crime. So I think that needs to be clarified.

  5. Sounds very original (LOVE), but as I read this, it felt like the "romance" element and her false arrest backstory were both left hanging. The "growing attraction" comes too soon in the pitch--we don't know anything about the main character, so don't yet care that she finds the son attractive. This leads to the second problem--you've told me all about the plot and it's awesome, but I don't know anything about the heroine. Who is Amy? What makes her compelling? Why is this HER story? Make me care about her, and I'll care what is at stake for her and what she wants.

    Also, a small thing...I would get rid of the first line--first, it feels obvious: don't trust a witch. Second, it steals the power of the next line, which shows the delicious fracturing of a well known tale. Let the reader discover this for themselves without the obvious first line that points the way, just MO.

    Good luck!

  6. Judge's comment: Although the pitch is jaunty and fun, you may be complicating it at the expense of clarity. We need a better sense of the character in your pitch, and greater clarity into how the mc connects with the adopted son. Also, don't understand the line about her previous false arrest, or how her mom connects to this, or how this equals social suicide. Also, if you're going to have a love interest in the pitch, I'd love to see a hint of what is keeping him and the mc apart.


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