Title: SNAP
Genre: YA Contemporary
Pitch:
In the CUTTING EDGE meets ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS, Seventeen-year-old Kate Reddy has sacrificed school, family, and a social life to be a figure skating champion. But when hot hockey player Brice tears up the ice, Kate's blade is caught in a rut, and an ACL injury ruins her Olympic dreams. Despite her feelings for him, Kate blames Brice for ruining her career. She doesn’t know who she is anymore without figure skating. Her estranged physician father suggests an experimental treatment that might heal her knee by next season, but Kate must learn to trust him again, and realize there is more to her identity than skating.
First sentence:
I yank hard on my skate laces, not caring how they dig into my calloused fingers.
I like how you clarified who it is she needs to learn to trust in this updated version. The pitch is much cleared this time, and I love stories like this one. Where the character learns they aren't defined by just one aspect of themselves. It sounds like a powerful read. :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, I think your pitch is really strong. My only small nitpick is with the rhyming of Brice and ice in the second sentence. Maybe change 'ice' to 'rink' ?? Other than that, nicely done!
ReplyDeleteI really hope you find a home for this story! Partly because I love both Cutting Edge and Anna and the French Kiss, but also because I'm intrigued about the relationship your MC shares with her stepfather. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThis is really solid. And I loved the Cutting Edge. Sounds like a great story.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I thought I'd stop by with a little feedback:
ReplyDelete1. I saw the character and choice in this pitch, but the conflict was a little fuzzy. Are we focusing on her relationship with Brice, the trust issues with her estranged father, or her identity issues?
2. I'm assuming, for plausibility reasons, that this was a casual skating practice. Otherwise, a worker should've scraped/cleared the ice between scheduled practices, right?
3. I would focus on telling less and showing more. Then try to infuse as much of the Kate's voice as possible. :)
You're off to a great start!
thought I'd share too:
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like a story kids could relate to. It felt like the pitch could be expanded some and the part about her father and the surgery was a bit abrupt.