tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post6137174287236833573..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #79 - SNAPMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-70047996551265427222014-02-27T05:23:50.303-05:002014-02-27T05:23:50.303-05:00thought I'd share too:
This sounds like a sto...thought I'd share too:<br /><br />This sounds like a story kids could relate to. It felt like the pitch could be expanded some and the part about her father and the surgery was a bit abrupt.AYAP JUDGEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17957753496327994873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-91895811433787858752014-02-26T16:26:38.920-05:002014-02-26T16:26:38.920-05:00Hi there! I thought I'd stop by with a little ...Hi there! I thought I'd stop by with a little feedback:<br /><br />1. I saw the character and choice in this pitch, but the conflict was a little fuzzy. Are we focusing on her relationship with Brice, the trust issues with her estranged father, or her identity issues?<br /><br />2. I'm assuming, for plausibility reasons, that this was a casual skating practice. Otherwise, a worker should've scraped/cleared the ice between scheduled practices, right?<br /><br />3. I would focus on telling less and showing more. Then try to infuse as much of the Kate's voice as possible. :)<br /><br />You're off to a great start!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10317642978167085055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-13284328277601318752014-02-24T13:45:37.183-05:002014-02-24T13:45:37.183-05:00This is really solid. And I loved the Cutting Edge...This is really solid. And I loved the Cutting Edge. Sounds like a great story.HeatherCRaglinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08546914126436706664noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-80789409822429094242014-02-24T06:54:04.380-05:002014-02-24T06:54:04.380-05:00I really hope you find a home for this story! Part...I really hope you find a home for this story! Partly because I love both Cutting Edge and Anna and the French Kiss, but also because I'm intrigued about the relationship your MC shares with her stepfather. Good luck!Jess Schirahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04930756756945812094noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-4210774291687487852014-02-23T15:43:20.616-05:002014-02-23T15:43:20.616-05:00Ooh, I think your pitch is really strong. My only ...Ooh, I think your pitch is really strong. My only small nitpick is with the rhyming of Brice and ice in the second sentence. Maybe change 'ice' to 'rink' ?? Other than that, nicely done! CherylAnne Hamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02324135447961686703noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-5631285160053705392014-02-23T15:36:25.215-05:002014-02-23T15:36:25.215-05:00I like how you clarified who it is she needs to le...I like how you clarified who it is she needs to learn to trust in this updated version. The pitch is much cleared this time, and I love stories like this one. Where the character learns they aren't defined by just one aspect of themselves. It sounds like a powerful read. :)Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.com