Title: ROGER FIREBUG
Genre: humorous MG contemporary.
Pitch:
Roger “Firebug” Frieburg spends a lot of time in the middle school principal’s office and has his eye on his best friend’s crush, but it’s his artistic ability and love of pit-firing ceramics that earns him his new nickname. Unfortunately, when an at-home art experiment goes awry, the fire department doesn’t find his nickname very cool or funny. And when his brother is abruptly fired from the local restaurant and the building mysteriously burns to the ground, Roger looks just like an arsonist- not an artist. Small town secrets are revealed and friendships shift as Roger tries to prove he is not the real firebug.
First Sentence:
I think I just burned my eyebrows off.
I was expecting a funny first line and you delivered. I'm a sucker for funny MG and this sounds like a good mix of humour and action. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteLOVE the first line! Great intro to what looks like a fascinating story. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree -- you've a great first line that sets the tone from the get-go. Made me want to read more.
ReplyDeleteAgree with @Rena! What a great first line!
ReplyDeleteAwesome first line and premise. ;)
ReplyDeleteYour first line is flawless! Definitely voting for you!
ReplyDeleteLooks great!
ReplyDeleteThis first line rocks and the premise is strong.
ReplyDeleteGreat MG voice. In 3rd grade my son unintentionally set off a fire alarm in school and had big consequences, so I love your premise. It's emotional for a kid to be wrongly accused so I hope that emotion shows in your story. I'd love to read it.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the voice and premise. The first line is fabulous. The only thing keeping me from saying it's perfect is the part about having his eye on his best friend's crush. To me, it doesn't really fit in that sentence and throws off the rhythm of the pitch. If that part were removed, I think it would flow better. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWhat I like: I love the small-town vibe and the cute little pyro.
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: I don’t much care for sentences like this, ‘secrets are revealed and friendships shift’ –they are so vague that it makes it easy for the reader to tune out. Maybe rework.
Great job!
I really like your premise, and think you have a great pitch. The one little thing I noticed, and it could just be me, is that when I read your pitch, I keep wanting to make the last sentance a brand new paragraph.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck!