Sunday, February 23, 2014



Genre: YA Urban Fantasy


Sixteen-year-old Kenzie Moriarty doesn’t believe in luck or signs. As far as she’s concerned she earned her status as class president, girlfriend of the football star and honor roll student with hard work and her take-charge personality. That all changes when her Grams tells Kenzie and her two sisters they’ve inherited the roles of the immortal Fates because after two thousand years Grams and the aunties are ready to retire. To determine which sister will be responsible for each job—spinning, measuring or cutting life-threads—the girls must take tests that reveal their true character.

Eternity to see the world? Fantastic! Ending lives? Not so much. When Kenzie meets her soulmate and discovers the only way to be with him forever is to cut someone else's life early, she finds the life hanging by a thread isn't at all what she expects.

First Sentence:

The cardinal saved me.


  1. I love the first paragraph, what an interesting premise. The second paragraph needs to start When Kenzie...and the line, she finds the life hanging by a threat should read she finds that life hanging by a thread isn't all what she expects (how so?).

  2. Ooh, this sounds like a fun story!

    I LURVE the first paragraph and completely agree with the comment above regarding the second. Ultimately, It feels a bit too vague, imho, regarding the stakes.

    I really like your first line. I'm partial to opening with a statement, such as you have. It draws me in and I'd keep reading. Great job!

  3. I know I wanted to know the why behind their new role when I critiqued this pitch last round. But the word "inherited" sums it up and we don't need to know the retired part at this point. And I agree with Kathleen's advice above. Good luck with this. This is something I would read.

  4. Hey there! One quick note:

    1. I think you could safely nix "...because after two thousand years Grams and the aunties are ready to retire" without consequence. That will free up some words to elaborate in the next paragraph. How is the life hanging by a thread not what she expects? Can we up the stakes a little?

    Otherwise, great job! :)

  5. I really liked the stakes at the end of this. I was curious after reading the first line, but had no idea what the cardinal had to do with this from your pitch.


Please leave your courteous and professional comments for the writer! We'd love to hear from you! : )