Title: I HAD A DREAM
Genre: Young Adult Paranormal Romance
Pitch:
During the aftermath of Halloween cheers, Misty Leigh Hunter is dragged into the underworld by Diego the great commander of Hades. In a frantic plight to escape she gathers clues from a series of horrific events orchestrated by Diego’s night glider.
Misty soon discovers that she is the last descendant of a mystical tribe known as the shadow riders; Diego’s enemies.
That Diego has set her corpse as the redemptive prize of the condemn souls and that her new found love had his eyes on her before her mother gave birth to her.
Misty must now summons the survival instinct for which her ancestors are renowned, in order to ward off the monsters that daily assail her through her dreams and secure the path back to an ordinary life.
First sentence:
The sound of a creaking door pulls me out of a restless sleep.
What I like: Some nice ideas but there are quite a few grammatical errors here, just a few-
ReplyDelete‘Halloween cheers’ << word usage
‘shadow riders; Diego’s enemies.’ << semi-colon use
‘the condemn soul’ <<word usage
‘That Diego has set her corpse as the redemptive prize of the condemn souls and that her new found love had his eyes on her before her mother gave birth to her.’ <<this sentence needs a lot of work.
To be frank, with so many errors in a pitch, readers are going to worry about whether your manuscript has errors as well, so make sure it’s ready.
Good work so far!
thanks for the comments. i have been hearing a lot about my grammar problems for my online writer buddies. i do not speak American English apparently i am having problems with writing it as well. i guess i will have to invest in editorial services.
ReplyDeleteDenese
Sadly yes, some major editing work needed here. But there's obviously a fascinating story hiding behind the errors. Wishing you all the best in polishing it up! :)
ReplyDeleteI think you have a neat concept here. With a little help from an editor, I'm sure you can get this baby shined up. Editors can help with more than just grammatical issues. I once got a 100 page critique from an editor. The feedback was beyond awesome. Just make sure if you go that route to check credentials.
ReplyDelete