Wednesday, February 19, 2014


Title: Heritage Blade

Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Pitch: City of Bones meets The Dresden Files when a boy who smells of blood and magic hunts for the man (or monster) who put a price on his head.

Jay’s the most lethal secret walking the streets of Chicago. He's killed before, and will again. Trained to protect mankind from rogue Pandorans—supernatural beings who cross into this world through Pandora's Box—he’s good at what he does, so long as no one knows he does it.
While rescuing a damsel faking distress Jay inadvertently reveals himself, and what he’s been up to. Now someone is out to get a little payback with a bounty on his blood, and everything that goes bump in the night arrives to collect. Survival means seeking help from unlikely allies, including the girl who got’im into this mess in the first place.

First line:

How the hell did a four-legged, supernatural killing machine the size of an F150 vanish?


  1. This looks like my favorite kind of Urban Fantasy. Twisty, dark, but with an undertone of humor. I ADORE the voice and the concept of Pandora's Box continuing to let dangers into the world is so fabulous. My only point of confusion is that I don't understand why him being caught protecting people is such a bad thing. Do the people he's protecting not understand the danger they're in and think he's randomly murdering people? What is the deal there? Of course, wanting those questions answered makes me want to read more, so maybe that was intentional. ;)

  2. Love the Pandora's Box angle... great voice, too. Only quibble is what Kimberly brought up. Nice first sentence, too.

  3. What I like: This sounds fun and I love this line ‘everything that goes bump in the night arrives to collect.’

    What I would like: I would also like a better idea of the villain/conflict.

    Great work!

  4. First, I just heard an agent say that using Mortal Instruments as a comp title is a deal breaker. It's not good to use runaway best sellers as comp titles as it is, and apparently that one in particular is used a lot. Try checking out Sweet Venom, this reminded me a bit of that one, at least the one perspective (its about three sisters. One of which seems very similar to your MC).

    Good luck, I think this looks super cool!

  5. I also really like the pandora box angle. And the first line is great. I would read on! As others have said, I didn't understand the danger of him getting caught? This sentence was a bit awkward. "Now someone is out to get a little payback with a bounty on his blood, and everything that goes bump in the night arrives to collect." Maybe break it into two sentences.


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