Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Entry #42: TWIST OF FATE

Title: Twist of Fate 

Genre: NA humorous time travel romance

Pitch: 

Twenty-two-year-old Pandia’s shaking in her Jimmy Choo’s. After the goddess-born socialite travels through time and meets Julius Caesar, she convinces him to abandon politics for gardening. Pandia’s father, Zeus, summons her to twenty-first century Olympus and chews her out for messing with a notorious human’s destiny. To teach her a lesson, he sentences her to a stint of mortality in Italy.
Pandia won’t let her punishment drag her down. She’ll leave mortals’ destinies untouched, and be home before the next sale at Saks Fifth Avenue. Instead of modern-day Italy, Zeus sends her to ancient Pompeii. Pandia’s arrested for inciting the locals and sent to work in Pompeii’s Gladiator School. She’s assigned to Caladus, a gladiator whose steamy kisses make her reconsider her vow to remain uninvolved.
To escape Pompeii, Pandia must prove she respects mortals’ fates. But she’s falling for Caladus, and her time’s running out: Mt. Vesuvius is rumbling.

First Sentence: 

Pacing in front of the Great Hall, I yanked down my red crop top with trembling fingers, and wondered what I’d done to piss my father off this time.

12 comments:

  1. Excellent premise and first line! Good luck!

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  2. Perfect pitch and amazing stakes! The first line sets the tone and puts us right in the characters's shoes. I'm curious as to what she's done to piss her father off too. Tsk tsk.

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  3. So much love for this one! Easy to follow pitch. Great sense of what's at stake. First line is intriguing.

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  4. I'd read this one. Yes please! Give me more.

    Love the first line. Well done :-)

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  5. Love it - the first lines, of both book and pitch, are really fun!

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  6. What I like: I absolutely love the idea of a ‘goddess-born socialite’

    What I would like: I was a little thrown by the ‘stint of mortality’ in Italy when she is socialite who shops at Saks- I assumed she lived on earth already? Or do you mean she won’t be immortal? Or that she won't have her powers? Also, confession, it took me a second read to figure out the conflict –but once I got that last line I was, like, A-HA, YOU ARE A GENUIS!

    This is the most skilled query for me thus far. Geez, I'm impressed by that twist!!

    Great job!

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  7. The voice. Wow. THE VOICE. You've got it nailed so hard. Really blown away by this one. Beautifully done! :)

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  8. This is a great entry. I love the voice from its Jimmy Choo's right down to the tube top in the first sentence. It's such a great mash-up of modern and ancient elements. I can just see the look on her face when she ends up in ancient times. This query does a wonderful job at giving specifics with just the right amount of mystery!

    Good luck.

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  9. I thought you took a little too long to get to the best part-- pompeii! The Ceasar part threw me off a little and it was hard to follow when the book was taking place because it jumps around a bit. Though it does seem that I'm the only with with this problem so maybe just ignore me :)

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  10. I really like this but am not sure why she likes to cause trouble so much---can that be explained in a few words--is she just bored or looking for attention? What makes her mess with Julius? Also, is she herself a goddess or a half-breed? Love that she's trapped in Pompeii!

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  11. This is gorgeous. Any changes and it might mess with the word count. Love it.

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