TITLE: LOVE AND THE BARD
GENRE: NA contemporary
Pitch:
After high school, Anna stayed home with her widower father so he wouldn’t be lonely. Now that her Associate's degree is finished, her father wants her to stay home and complete her education at the family's alma mater. Anna longs for independence, but hates the idea of disappointing him.
Then she meets Coy McLeod while they work backstage at the local theater. Coy and his uncle invite Anna on their Shakespeare Festival roadtrip. Anna hopes that driving around the West for a week with Coy and his uncle will satisfy her burning need to travel. She never expected that she would fall in love while watching Othello smother Desdemona with a pillow.
A summer romance has the opportunity to be something more when Coy asks her to move to Chicago with him. But if it doesn't work out, she'll have left her friends, her plans, and her father—for nothing.
First Sentence:
The thick manila envelope from the University of Oregon is staring at me.
Love the Shakespeare plot line and the sentence "She never expected..." And we feel her problem in our hearts. Well done!
ReplyDeleteWhat I like: I love the idea of a Shakespeare Festival –might be fun to see that milked a bit more.
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: I would also like to see the characters a bit more –like Cory, I’d like to fall in love with him a little in the query
Great work!
Aw, this sounds really cute, but I agree with Eliza. I want to fall in love with Coy as well and know a bit more about Anna, what kind of people they are. She already seems selfless, but what else?
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the falling in love while watching Othello line :)
Cute concept. Shakespeare always makes me grin, and a few tweaks to the pitch as suggested by other comments will go a long way. The first line gave me pause though. Present tense but with passive voice was pretty distracting. Instead of "is staring," perhaps "stares?" Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteI felt the beginning wasn't strong enough. But you have a killer line in there that I think you should start with so I did a revamp based around that. My only concern is not really with the query, but the concept. She's in love with this guy after a week?
ReplyDeleteAnna never expected that she would fall in love while watching Othello smother Desdemona with a pillow. Her Shakespeare Festival road trip with fellow theatre worker, Coy McLeod, turns into a summer romance. Coy wants it to be more than just a fling, inviting Anna to move to Chicago with him.
This would be perfect, but Anna’s widower father is waiting at home for her to return and finish her college education. What started as a week of trying to satisfy a travel bug has turned into a whirlwind romance and the guilt of what’s left behind at home. Anna would love to give her relationship with Coy a chance, but if it doesn't work out, she'll have left her friends, her plans, and her father—for nothing.
Thanks for your comments, everyone! I really appreciate you taking the time to let me know how I could punch up my pitch. And don't worry, Sharon, they don't fall in love in a week, they are good friends that admit they're in love when finally thrown in close quarters :0)
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