Title: Fantasya: A Giant Problem
Genre: MG FantasyPitch:
Cassandra Day wants Gargamouth finished. The irascible giant has ordered the trolls and elves to kill any unicorn that stands in his way of becoming ruler of Fantasya, a world of magical creatures. Cassandra has watched countless friends and family members die since she was orphaned at the age of two, and she has no idea where her sister Cindy is.
Everyone expects Cassandra to do something great for Fantasya after her legendary golden horn grew in. But before Cassandra and her best friend can even begin to plan their assault, they’re accidentally sent to earth from a magic flower. As if blending in with the humans wasn’t hard enough, now the trolls are on their tails. They have get back to Fantasya—or risk certain deathFirst Line:
There is no “once upon a time in this book,” because that’s how a fairytale starts, and this is not a fairytale.
I think the premise is great.
ReplyDeleteThank you! :)
DeleteWhat I like: The first line is fun!
ReplyDeleteWhat I would like: I wasn’t sure who or what Cassandra was, so that took me out of the pitch a bit.
Great work!
Thanks for your input! :)
DeleteThis sounds like a story that would nourish any child's imagination, some great elements here! The names threw me off a little. Reminded me of "Gargamel" and "Fantasia." "Fantasya" could be problematic actually. It's so similar . . . not sure if there'd be a copyright issue. And the otherworldly feeling would be better enforced by a name that doesn't ring so many bells. :)
ReplyDeleteThe first line is a fun beginning for a middle grade story. I'm a bit confused by the pitch. I don't know who Cassandra is exactly, and the mention of a sister and best friend come out of nowhere and aren't mentioned again. I think with a bit of work this pitch could better reflect the uniqueness of your story. :) Good luck!
I love the first line! I agree with others that I'm not sure Cassandra is? Is she a unicorn? Also perhaps cut "by a magical flower" as this extra info we don't need to know at this stage. And cut "a world of magical creatures" again because this is extra and we already know there are magical creatures because of the mention of unicorns, trolls etc.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds really cute and the first line is great!! - but I'm in agreement with those above. By the end of your pitch I'm not sure if Cassandra is a unicorn, or what SHE wants to do. Is she defined by her legendary horn? This would help pull out the uniqueness of your story and really strengthen your pitch. (I also have to second Kimberly that the similarity in names may prove problematic for your.)
ReplyDeleteBest of luck!
Intrigued, but I want to know that Cassandra Day is a unicorn right up front. It's not clear to me- and I am not sure if she changes into one later? After her horn grows in? I like your premise, and wish you luck!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your advice, everyone! :)
ReplyDelete