Wednesday, February 19, 2014



Genre: YA Urban Fantasy


Sixteen-year-old Kenzie Moriarty doesn’t believe in luck or signs. As far as she’s concerned her status as class president, girlfriend of the football star and honor roll student are a result of her actions and personality. That all changes when her Grams tells Kenzie and her two sisters they’re the immortal Fates. To determine which sister will be responsible for each job—spinning, measuring or cutting life-threads—the girls must take tests to reveal their true character. The thought of having eternity to see the world thrills her, but ending lives is an option she won’t even consider. When she meets her soul-mate and discovers the only way to be with him forever is to end someone else's life early, though, she finds the life hanging by a thread isn't at all what she expects. 

First sentence:

The cardinal saved me.   


  1. I don't know why, but the idea of writing a book from the perspective of one of the Fates is highly intriguing to me. I would certainly want to know more. Although, I can't say I love the first line, it is obviously important so I'm willing to read on.

  2. What I like: The concept of fates is interesting and I love this line ‘life hanging by a thread’

    What I would like: It feels a bit like elements are being listed, ‘character test,’ then her feelings about on killing, then her soul mate. It feels a bit jumbled for me.

    Great work!

  3. Cool concept! I'm a bit confused about how your MC could suddenly be one of the fates though. Is this a legacy that was passed on to her? Has she always been one of the fates but lost her memory? I like Eliza's suggestions to give the pitch a little more cohesion, and would love to hear a bit more voice in the pitch. Show us a little more. If our heart twists at the thought of what Eliza has to face, we're so much more likely to be excited by the thought of reading more. This is an awesome start though. Definitely has my curiousity roused! :)

  4. I love the concept. I agree with Kimberly that if our heart twists will be more likely to read on. The decision she has to face is horrific but I'm not feeling it. I'm not sure why now the girls become fates? Did they become the fates at a certain age? Did the other fates retire etc.

  5. I do love the premise of this story, and I was pretty much with you until the last line. It's already been stated that she won't consider ending lives, but then she has to make a choice between ending a life early or being with her soul mate. Maybe a little more clarification as to the stakes if doesn't follow her destiny. I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you!

  6. I must concur with the wisdom already written above. Love the concept of the three fates and deciding who gets what job! This needs some tightening and clarification, but it seems like you're off to a great start.

    Good luck!


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