Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry #69 - THE LAST FLOCK


Genre: YA Contemporary Speculative Fiction

Seventeen-year-old Reese survived cancer as a child, but after a biological terrorist attack, she finds herself fighting for her life again - spending what should’ve been her senior year of high school sealed in a shelter beneath the Rocky Mountains. Life underground is hard, especially without her missing older brother, and even falling in love with Lucas comes with a price – reconciling that everyone she left above has perished.
Just as Reese begins to suspect they weren’t gathered by chance, Joshua, the shelter leader, stuns them all by announcing he might not open the doors at the end of the year as agreed. In order to save everyone she must embark on a mission to discover what secrets he’s hiding, and why he wants them to remain below. What Reese uncovers is unimaginable: the greatest threat is not in the outside world, but instead sealed in the shelter with them.
First Sentence:

“Probably not,” would be my response if you asked me the following question: if you knew in the beginning what you do now, would you still have saved yourself?


  1. I find this pitch enthralling, but I wonder why it's speculative fiction as there's no hint of it there. It sounds more like a thriller. Speculative fiction usually is set in an alternative universe/history or combines multiple genres under the speculative fiction umbrella (fantasy, scifi, horror etc).

    I think you also need to clarify Lucas as he's just a name thrown in at the moment. Maybe:

    ...even falling in love with fellow survivor-in-hiding, Lucas, comes with a price.

    Best of luck.

  2. This is a very tight, high concept pitch and premise. The dystopian market is so crowded that the writing will really have to deliver to stand out from the pack. That means the twist had better be a true surprise, or it will feel like we've read this one before! Obviously, that's not going to be in the first sentence, but I would certainly keep reading to find out. Good luck!

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  4. SM, thanks for reading and for your thoughts! If I had a couple more words I would definitely put back in "fellow shelter-dweller" to explain Lucas - darn 150 word count limit! Which pitch is yours?

    Judge 1, thanks for your thoughts as well. I'm happy to hear you would keep reading!

    1. Those word counts can cause havoc! Mine is #49 :)


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