Sunday, February 23, 2014


Title: The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown

Genre: Humorous MG, Contemporary


The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown is Dork Diaries meets Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and shows readers how to find their inner superhero.

Eleven year-old Ruby Bella Brown creates comics to escape from her wacky family, bullying ex-best friend, and humiliating bra-tastrophes. Determined not to let last years’ ditch-a-thon become an annual event, she keeps secrets from her new best friend, Julia. But when Julia discovers the truth, it looks like Ruby might lose her, too. The only thing Ruby wants as much as a forever friend is to go to art camp. But just as her dream is about to come true, she’s forced to choose between working with her favorite cartoonist or helping Julia—hoping she’ll turn into a forever friend.   

First sentence:

I’d eat worms or kiss a gross boy like Stinky Gorman to make sure my eleventh birthday won’t be another suck-a-rama.


  1. The voice. Ah, the voice. It's in the pitch, it practically oozes out of the first line. This is where middle grade novels so often fall short for me and from what I've seen, yours isn't likely to disappoint. Well done! :)

  2. Love the voice in this pitch :) The pitch flows well and I would definitely pick this up.

    My only reservation, and there is a conflict of information about this, is the Hollywood xxxx meets xxxx approach to queries and pitches. Some say it is okay and some say it is a query killer.

    Great job!!!!

  3. Love, love, love your first sentence. It is so perfect for MG. ;)

    As for your pitch, I kind of agree with Carl... your voice is so good, that the first line doesn't quite live up to the rest. Those extra words could be used to bring out some specifics that will really make the pitch stand out. One question you might answer with those extra words:

    What secrets is Ruby keeping from Julia?

    I think answering this in your pitch will help your readers connect the dots and connect with Ruby's character even more.

    Best Wishes,

  4. You need a hyphen here: Eleven[-]year-old

    As a female comic hero fan, I hope this gets into the hands of young girls.

  5. Love the voice. I'm digging her hyphenated descriptors. Suck-a-rama my favorite. :)

  6. The voice in this is really good, and I like the character's uniqueness, but I am finding the flow is off a bit because there are gaps of information that tie the story together. What ditch-a-thon? What (and why) does she keep secrets from her new best friend? Why (and with what) does she have to help Julia with? When we don't know these things, it lessens the power of this query pitch because we don't see the plot come together in a tight, emotional way. Just give us a bit more detail so we really can empathize with your protagonist and the challenges she faces, and the choice she must make.

    (I would also recommend moving the first para to the end. Let the pitch stand on its own and then use the comparison para to add some scope.)


    Good luck!

  7. Judge comment: I love the first line! Great voice. But the pitch loses me when she suddenly gets to go to art camp. I hadn't realized she wanted to and was getting wrapped up in the other info about her friend. You might need to restructure a bit and weave the cartoonist in along with the friend to build up to the final choice.


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