Wednesday, February 19, 2014





Seventeen-year-old Carri Helms isn’t the first mortal the Goetia, a legion of Fallen Angels and demons, has attacked. But she’s the first to survive.

After walking away from a car accident the Goetia orchestrated to kill her, Carri discovers she’s the key to opening Heaven’s gates—whatever the hell that means. But she’s more interested in graduating from her posh prep school than fulfilling an ancient prophecy. Until she meets Riker Irin—an Angel with a killer smile and authority issues—and he saves her from another attack.

Together, they travel deeper into his world, where the truth about Carri’s Elder heritage is more dangerous than their forbidden feelings for one another. With Carri central to Hell's plot to storm the Heaven’s gates, the Goetia kidnap Carri’s sister to guarantee her cooperation. Now, Carri and Riker must come to her rescue and put an end to the Goetia…or die trying.

First sentence: 

Tonight could go straight to Hell. 


  1. Love this! Great pitch and first sentence. Good luck!

  2. Brilliant pitch! The first line felt a little too generic to me. Anything could be happening to make a character think that, and it doesn't bring me immediately into the story. Of course, it's quite possible the second line does, so no worries. I just wonder if you can do more with it. Tell us WHY she thinks that. Has she been stood up? Did her car break down? Or is something more dire happening? Really though, the pitch is pretty much perfectly done. Specific, compelling, a clear outline of the stakes, and with a touch of voice and humor that I simply loved. :)

  3. Your pitch is perfect! :-)

    I like the opening line.

    I'm voting for you!

  4. Angels/demons have become very mainstream these days, but this feels like a fresh sort of take on the theme. After reading that pitch, I would definitely pick the book up and give it a once-over. With that first sentence, I'd be standing there reading the beginning, and if the rest of the book follows the first sentence, I'd be buying it. So, great job all around!

    My only quibble/question is that if Carri is special because of her ancestry, and she has a sister, is her sister special as well? Couldn't the forces of hell use her sister instead of her? Or are they half sisters and Carri is the only one of her kind? This is something you could probably negate by adding 'half-sister' or 'adopted sister' if Carri's sister doesn't share the same heritage exactly.

  5. What I like: ‘Carri discovers she’s the key to opening Heaven’s gates—whatever the hell that means.’ <<I lol’d.

    What I would like: I feel like this is nice, clean and accomplished but I would love to see more of what makes it unique.

    Great job!

  6. Yes. This is how you take an average pitch and make it great! Voice, characters, just enough little details for me to picture it and stakes. Great job!


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