Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry # 55 - THIRTY DÍAS


Genre: New Adult Contemporary Romance


Elephant-sized mosquitoes. Rebel uprisings. Kidnapping by monkeys. Twenty-one-year-old Annie London is prepared for anything that could happen in the Nicaraguan jungle, as long as she makes it out with a medical school letter of recommendation in hand. She’s not prepared for Felipe, the quiet, dimpled doctor charged with supervising her work.

As they travel through bone-soaking rains, setting up clinics and handing out mosquito nets, the spark between Annie and Felipe ignites. But when Annie’s meddling brings the wrath of an entire village on the brigade, their relationship and their careers are sunk. Stuck together in the jungle for ten more days, they have to find a way to work together to save lives – and maybe even their fledgling relationship.

First Sentence:

It had been a cereal for dinner, vodka for dessert kind of flight.


  1. There needs to be a "like" button here. I vaguely recall the original pitch, but this one sounds stronger in my head. So whatever you changed, it's great!

  2. OMG! I love this. Stakes are clear and the setting is exciting.

    You could drop the " hand." from P1. Don't need it.

    Otherwise, I'm so in love with your opening line. Um, more please...

  3. I felt like this was improved a lot from the first round.

  4. This pitch is well written--just a few tweaks recommended. First you say Annie is prepared for anything, and then say she isn't prepared for Felipe in the very next line. This needs a smoother--she either thinks she prepared and then line 2 shows her she isn't, or you need a "but" sort of transition. My only worry is I don't feel like there's enough meat here---you start out strong and specific/voice-y, and then that wanes. Add clarity and strength to this pitch by showing what she does to incur the tribe's wrath so we see how this sinks her relationship and career. It might also help to explain why they are stuck in the jungle after this, too, another thing that is sort of ambiguous.

    Sounds like a strong character, someone who knows what she wants and is willing to go after it, which makes us knowing what she does to screw it all up so important, right? Thanks for sharing and good luck!

  5. Right off the bat, I'm pulled out of your pitch. The title made me think I was looking at an MG pitch, not an NA pitch. Then when I see NA, I'm thinking there might be a chick-lit element to it, but no. Your pitch is very strong with great voice and lots of action, but doesn't fit the title at all, in my opinion. Also, great first line!


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