Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry # 43 - NANNY MORTO


Genre: MG fantasy


MARY POPPINS meets THE GRAVEYARD BOOK, in a Middle Grade fantasy novel NANNY MORTO (25,000 words).
Only Eva and Phillip see the new nanny as a freaky skeleton - smooth skull for a face, bony fingers under the velvet gloves. Forget the park and playgrounds! Trips to the cemetery and visiting antique stores to collect seemingly random items become their new routine. Even so, the children slowly warm up to their peculiar caretaker.
However, Nanny Morto comes with a secret. She is here to earn her death angel wings and requires a few items in order to build her wings, including a soul of a child. Nanny Morto must choose one of the siblings in order to complete her task, and at the end of the summer - she does.

First Line

A clean chalk-white skull grinned at Phillip from underneath the black velvet hat adorned with a golden broche. 


  1. On behalf of Judge: "It's an original idea, very imaginative. I'm having a lot of trouble with the everything coming down to the nanny's choice when it should be the kids (MCs) that drive the story. Telling us the ending is a bit off too. I realize it's shocking, but I think the premise is different enough to do that. The first line has a bit too much description in it. Too many adjectives when we should focus on the skull."

  2. Judge's comment: I really love this concept, and the Poppins meets Gaiman comparison is great. The pitch is a little uneven, however -- the "even so" line sticks out as odd, and I think you could work their budding relationship into the preceding sentences, just by suggesting that they enjoy these unusual activities. The second paragraph reads more like an adult horror pitch -- can you find a way to hint at the nanny's secret while keeping the fun MG tone of the first few sentences?


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