Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry # 33 - CLASS CLOWN

Title: Class Clown

Genre: MG Contemporary


For everyone, the eighth grade is tough. For Clarabell Gritt, it’s a circus. 

After her clown parents leave the circus, Clara attends a normal school for the first time, which is like all she's ever wanted with delicious, processed cherries on top.

Despite a few hiccups that totally weren't her fault (because teachers should really say that most kids don't wear neon leotards in gym), Clara is determined to seize her golden ticket to normalcy: the school dance. That is, if she can just get a date and keep this whole growing-up-in-the-circus thing a secret, but when Clara's parents show up in clown costume in front of everyone, the school's ringmaster manipulates and bullies Clara, sabotaging her attempts to make this the best dance ever. 

Being ordinary might be a stretch, but it would be nice if Clara could make it through middle school without becoming a total freak show.

First Sentence:

Most kids think their parents are total clowns; I guess I do too, but that's because my parents are clowns, like... literally.


  1. I think this has a lot of potential.

    The second last sentence is WAY too long and convoluted. Does her parents showing up in costume sabotage her attempts to make it the best dance ever? If so you need an and between that bit and the ringmaster. It's also hard to imagine how the ringmaster of the school manipulating and bullying Clara results in the dance being sabotaged. You might need to be more specific.

    Clear up that sentence and you're gold.

    Best of luck.

  2. Overall I think this is a great concept and offers all kinds of opportunites for hilarity and humiliation for the main character! In the pitch, the phrase "like all she's ever wanted with delicious, processed cherries on top" could be confusing. On one hand, it made me wonder if her clown parents are strict about what she eats--which goes against expectations, perhaps--but because it was so oddly specific I spent more time on that line than I think it merited. It's likely an example of the character's voice but I think I'd need to read more to know that for sure. Also, in the first sentence I felt like the "I guess" phrasing watered down the reveal that her parents literally are clowns; I was also unsure whether the "ringmaster" was a school principal or another student. But this is close enough that I think an agent or editor would keep reading, so good job!


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