Sunday, February 23, 2014

Entry #22 - DWARFED

Manuscript Title: Dwarfed
Genre: YA, Contemporary rural romance


Sixteen year old Grace Sullivan has never let her dwarfism bother her. She has more important things to worry about, like working as a court jester at the Renaissance Faire and developing new tricks for her magic show she performs in. When her parents enroll her in public school, Grace discovers others can’t overlook her height. Her classmates consider her an oddity and a freak.

Luke Searc, a cute farmhand with a laid-back attitude, is the only person who recognizes Grace is more than a number on a measuring stick. Somehow, amid feeding pigs, shared lunches, and long discussions about Shakespeare, things change and Grace realizes she’s attracted to Luke.

Grace believes in going after what she wants. She also knows the odds of a great guy like Luke being attracted to her are long. Should ignore her feelings or make a move and potentially lose her only friend?

First Line:

I'd give my right arm for a guillotine.


  1. I get such a kick out of the fact we have the same character names. Maybe Grace and Luke are meant to be together, no matter the story. ;) Seriously though, this was one of my most enthusiastic votes from the last round. I don't love the rhetorical question it ends on (and there's a word missing there), but I adore the rest and the first line is one of the best hooks I've seen in this whole contest. Well done!

  2. Yes, delete the rhetorical question (most agents hate them in queries) and find another way to say what the stakes are for Grace. Your first line is killer (pun intended). :)

  3. I'm in love with this pitch. It's so vivid, and drew me in from the first line. The voice and the character details are perfection. I particularly love the feeding pigs while discussing Shakespeare line : ) I'd definitely buy this book.

  4. This sounds like so much fun! Grace is a character I think I'd love to be friends with, and I totally have a thing for farm boys. Something about this story really clicks for me, and I already feel invested in their relationship. Like everyone else, I also love your first line. Good luck!

  5. You need to hyphenate Sixteen-year-old.

    But I love this pitch *grabby hands*

  6. I love this pitch too. the following comments are total nitpicking. 1) you could remove"she perform in" in the first paragraph. 2) At the end of the first paragraph i would choose either "others can’t overlook her height" or "her classmates consider her a freak." You don't need both. You could also simplify the second sentence of the second paragraph to "As they feed pigs, share lunches, and discuss Shakespeare, Grace realizes she’s attracted to Luke." But, like I said that is all Nitpicky. I love the pitch and the first sentence.

  7. Hey there! A few quick notes:

    1. Double-check your punctuation, i.e. sixteen-year-old.

    2. It might read better if you replace "an oddity and a freak" with a tightened, more powerful phrase. Show us how the ridicule hurts.

    3. You're missing a word, e.g. "Should ignore her feelings..."

    4. I'm not a big fan of rhetorical questions in pitches. I think you can find a better way to show the choice Grace faces. :)

    Otherwise, this is a really original concept. I like it!

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  9. AYAP Judge says: This sounds good and the fact that Grace is small could make it stand out. I don't think agents like rhetorical questions so I'd recommend changing the last sentence in the query. And I wasn't sure I got how the first line tied into the story from the pitch. Good luck with this. It sounds like a sweet romance.


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