Wednesday, August 24, 2016

YA Paranormal: ANCIENT BLOOD & YA Contemp: THE J CREW

Author's Name: Stormy Acuna
Category: YA
Genre: Paranormal
Stage Of Completion: Mostly Polished and Looking to Query
Preferred Critique Style: Straight to the Point
Cat Person or Dog Person: Dog
Tea or Coffee: Need both to survive


Thank you for taking the time to check out my novel and possibly critique it. I’m ready to query this novel and just looking for tips to make it better. The beginning is in need of some love for sure, so maybe a new prospective on how to start would be good. Thank you.


Draigon’s black curly hair whipped around her face as she sat on the roof of her home, lost in thought. So many times she had sat up here, looking at the deep blue sky and the twinkling stars, always thinking the same thing. Missing. Something was missing from her life.
Hours upon hours she'd sit up here trying to figure it out, until just before dawn when her butler Alburn would call her in. She'd ignore him and he'd threaten to get the broom and come sweep her off the roof. That'd make her laugh and she'd hop down the three story house and land on the soft grass below without any hesitation.
The house was set back in the surrounding woods, off a small dirt road that was hidden in trees. Unless you were walking by it or knew where it was, you probably wouldn't have spotted the little road. The house itself wasn't anything fancy besides the iron fence that went all the way around it in a gigantic circle, warning people to stay away. It was one of those houses you always see on movies, that the "crazy" people lived in, or that was haunted. The local spooky house that no one wanted to go in but everyone was curious about. Except the fact that once you got past the big gate, it really wasn't spooky at all.



Thank you for taking the time to check out my novel and possibly critique it. I’ll be honest in saying that I mostly need help with line edits. If you feel like you can do this, I’d love a chance to partner up with you.

            I open my eyes to the sound of the alarm clock beeping loudly in my ears. I want to slam my fist down on the stupid thing, but instead I rub my eyes and roll over onto my stomach reaching to turn the damned thing off. Not a second later my mom is yelling at me from down stairs, "David, let’s go! You can't be late, first day of school; get up, get up, get up!"
            I roll my eyes and take a deep breath, "Yea, I know, I'm up. Calm down, woman." I hear a pan hit the stove and wait for a response that doesn't come. I roll over out of bed and throw on my black cargo pants with my light gray skull tee shirt and peak at myself in the mirror. My black hair is different lengths at the moment and a total mess which is good, I like it like that. Makes it look like I don't care. Oh yea, I don't, that's right.
            I can’t remember if my hair was always this color or a little lighter. I dyed it black about two years ago and it’s just sort of grown in this way since then. Although I think it brings out the brown of my skin a little better. I pull my socks and converse shoes on and grab my backpack, flinging it over one shoulder as I head down stairs.


  1. Hi. If you would like to swap the first chapter or two to start, I do have some suggestions after reading the first chapter of J Crew. I currently have two MS that were polished but I'm currently working on converting one from NA to YA and the other from NA to A. If so, my email is cslc317 g mail. Thanks!

  2. Stormy that your real name? If so, I'm jealous! I like what I've read so far and interested to know more. I'm okay with line edits, but not the best. My specialties lie more in hunting for plot holes, great with dialogue and natural reactions, and I'm also great for bouncing ideas and pretty good with pacing. I'm listed here under THE KEEPER'S SECRET by Leila Oices. If interested, feel free to email me - lloicles(at)gmail(dot)com


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