Time for Revision

Since the purpose of this contest is to provide valuable feedback, we have decided to give the top 50 (as voted on and posted at noon this coming Saturday) a few hours to send a revised pitch/first sentence for the blogger round.

If your entry makes it to the next round, please send any desired revision by 6PM EST on the 22nd. We will then post the revised entries by the next morning.

If you are listed and do not send a revision, we will simply repost what you entered originally.

Best of luck to all! We hope this experience is proving helpful to everyone!

Lisa, Martina, Jan, and Alyssa

Voting Is Open in our February Pitch Plus One Contest -- Come Pick Your Favorites!

Lisa has all the entries posted below for the Pitch Plus One contest (THANKS, Lisa!), but we need your help picking the top 50 who will move on to the Blogger Round of judges. Pretend you are browsing in a bookstore or online catalog. Read through all the entries shown below. Leave comments for the authors if you have any suggestions or notes, and if an entry strikes your fancy--if you'd pick up and read the book or know a lot of people would--then check the blog beside that entry number in the poll that's posted in the right side sidebar.

Vote for as many entries as you like. But we do ask that you read all entries to make sure the process is fair. 

And contest participants, here's a reminder for you. This contest isn't about winning or losing, or about getting through to the agent round. If your pitch and manuscript opening is strong enough, it WILL get requested and read by agents. If it isn't strong enough, then knowing that so you can fix it is a great first step. Don't ask your friends to come and vote for your manuscript. Ask your friends to come and read all the entries and be fair in picking those they believe are the best.

Happy reading, everyone!

All best,

Martina, Lisa, Jan, and Alyssa

Entry #90: NATE AND THE OMNISCOPE

Title: NATE AND THE OMNISCOPE

Genre: YA contemporary 

Pitch: 

Nate Turner was not typically the kind of kid prone to industrial espionage or the blowing up of private property.  But it wasn't every day he got chased by Shuck, the mythical Hound of Hell.  And the killer robots they sent after him did more destruction than he did, anyway.

It all started when he discovered something bizarre in his grandfather's extraordinary museum of an old house and pretty soon he was obsessed. It was a strange and mysterious globe, an other-worldly thing, and just maybe a whole world of trouble. Solving its mysteries might return his missing grandfather, and might even save the world--if he and his friends didn't die in the process.

Nate and the OmniScope, a Young Adult novel, is the first volume of a seven book series about his grandfather's artifact, The Secret Sphere.

First Sentence: 

"Nate shifted his position, trying to get comfortable in a seat that had been no good at all for sleeping, and had hundreds of miles earlier stopped being much good even for sitting."

Entry #89: LUMA

Title: Luma

Genre: YA Horror

Pitch: 

Majestic Isle is the scene of countless adventures for seventeen-year old Abbey and her best friend, Callie, until an accident closes the island amusement park. When Abbey hears of an underground club amid the broken down roller coasters, she drags Callie out for the night of their lives.

Unfortunately, it might be the last night of their lives.

The club isn’t the haven for misfits Abbey was hoping for – it’s a buffet, and the club goers are the main course.

After surviving the initial slaughter, the girls wind up trapped in a basement, but they’re not alone. A drug addict with a strange appetite and even stranger powers is imprisoned with them. If he doesn’t kill them, he may give them a gift that could help them survive the night, and possibly save the world. However, this gift comes with an unexpected price: their lives, their friendship, or both.

First Sentence: 

An ocean of bodies swayed like seaweed across the warehouse floor.

Entry #88: WORDS IN THE WINDOWSILL

Title:  WORDS IN THE WINDOWSILL

Genre: NA Historical Fiction/Time Travel

Pitch:

  

After discovering the manuscript for a mysterious symphony, self-proclaimed "Lady's Man" Hans Meyer takes off for Germany in the name of research.  When a strange text shows up on his cell about a Time Train, offering Hans the inside track to discovery, curiosity buys him a ticket to ride and he is dropped off in Vienna, 1820.  Hans’ research takes an unexpected turn when he and his Viennese sweetheart, Analeise, discover love letters holed up within the windowsill of his bedchamber.  These letters explain a secret about the mysterious manuscript that has eluded history books, and when Hans brings Analeise and the information back to the 21^st century, he finds that the future, and his place in it, has been altered.  He must find a way to rewrite the past, but that might mean losing the one girl that has actually stolen his heart.

First sentence:  

With my right foot planted on the piano’s sustain pedal, the final notes of “Piano Man” dissipated under the laughter at The Tavern. 

Entry #87: NEOPHYTE

Title: NEOPHYTE

Genre: YA PN/UF 

Pitch:

Almost two years into her afterlife, Nineteen-year-old Addisyn White realizes that there is a lot more to being an Angel than wings and a brilliant white aura. Secrets about her new life start to be revealed and she finds out that where there is light there is also dark and that finely tuned scale has to remain balanced. A budding romance between her and one of her five dysfunctional teachers, only heightens her emotions, pushing her closer to the falling point. Finding two other Neophyte angels in a group of Fallen, ignites the fire inside her to help them find the Light. But one too many bad decisions combined with her stubbornness leads to Addisyn starting a war between good and evil. A war that will end in more than just a broken heart. It will end with life, a death and a tough decision for Addisyn to make.

First Sentence:

I sank into the porch swing.

Entry #86: CAMP CAMMOODLE

Title: Camp Cammoodle

Genre: Middle Grade/Contemporary Fantasy

Pitch:

Going to summer sleep-away camp is Larry’s last chance to be popular. All right, maybe not really popular, but at least kids would stop calling him Larry the Loser!  Somehow, some way, he’s got to convince his mom that he’s old enough.  But when she finally says yes, it’s for a camp she’s sure will be safe.  Camp Cammoodle—where kids learn to doodle.  Even the name says it’s a place for dorks.

So as other kids in his class head off to mountains and lakes, Larry arrives at a dilapidated old building in the middle of the city.  Could things get any worse?

But Cammoodle is filled with surprises including trampolines for beds, a mountain in a stairwell, and horses that never need hay.  And for the first time, bullied Larry has a shot at adventure and real friendship unless his courage fails when he needs it most.

First sentence:

I don’t want to be the biggest dork in the 4^th grade—I just am.  

Entry #85: SEE YOU THEN, JOSHUA JACOBS

Title: SEE YOU THEN, JOSHUA JACOBS

Genre: Contemporary MG

Pitch:

Soon-to-be seventh grader Suzie Martin is happy to find a friend in the new boy in the neighborhood, science prodigy Joshua Jacobs. He makes friendship – something Suzie’s never quite gotten the hang of – look easy. She looks forward to a great year, until she learns Joshua believes his dead father visits him through time travel.  

As the news spreads, she must decide whether to stand by a friend she doesn’t believe even if it means losing her newfound acceptance at school, standing up to the school bully, and defying her own family.  In a few short months, Suzie learns more about friendship, fear, hope and the spacetime continuum than she ever thought possible.

First sentence:

There was nothing about you, your mother or the moving truck to warn me about what to expect from you, Joshua Jacobs.

Entry #84: THE OYSTER'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Title: THE OYSTER'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Genre: YA Contemporary

Pitch:

Shy girls don’t yarnbomb the school fence at dawn and they definitely
don’t skip school to hang out with Patrick Hayes- student council
president and vice-captain of the football team (not to mention, president
of his own fan club).

But then, best friends don’t usually resort to blackmail.

When fifteen-year-old Mabs Starling’s best (and only) friend, Olivia, goes
on exchange to Paris, Mabs receives a letter from her containing ten
impossible tasks, and an ultimatum: if Mabs doesn’t complete each and
every task by the time Olivia gets back, Olivia will send the poem she
stole from Mabs’ diary to the boy she wrote it about.
What's even worse than the possibility of him seeing that poem, or her
supposed best friend thinking that she's a friendless recluse who needs to
be blackmailed into getting a life, is having to admit to herself that it
might just be true.

First sentence:

Goodbyes are worse when you’re the one left behind.

Entry #83: SOMETHING WICKED

Title: SOMETHING WICKED

Genre: NA Contemporary Fantasy

Pitch:

Blood magic drives you mad. So does family. Twenty-year-old witch Rose LeFey has problems with both, especially when she discovers members of the other magical races imprisoned in her Aunt Sorcha’s basement. Sorcha has stolen their blood, and is using it to re-ignite an ancient conflict.

Determined to stop Sorcha’s war, Rose and the escapees pursue Sorcha to the gates of the fae city, deep within the Cascade Mountains. There’s just one problem—when Rose releases Dar, a werewolf, she accidentally triggers a forbidden mate-bond between them.

As lust tears at Rose’s hard-earned self-control, Sorcha divines a deadly virus that feeds her power with every life it takes. To defeat her, Rose must harness her own deadly magical talents without letting them consume her. If she fails, she’ll become the weapon her aunt wanted all along. If she succeeds, she’ll break all Sorcha’s spells – and her own heart.

First sentence:

All witches liked their accessories. Even the bad ones. 

Entry #82: THE COMIC ADVENTURES OF RUBY BELLA BROWN

Title: The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown

Genre: Humorous MG, Contemporary

Pitch: 

The Comic Adventures of Ruby Bella Brown is Dork Diaries meets Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and shows readers how to find their inner superhero.

Eleven year-old Ruby Bella Brown creates comics to escape from her wacky family, bullying ex-best friend, and humiliating bra-tastrophes. She’s terrified that last years’ ditch-a-thon will become an annual event, and keeps secrets from her replacement best friend, Julia. But it backfires. Now she’s in danger of losing her, too. The only thing she wants as much as a forever friend is to go to art camp. But just as her dream is about to come true, she’s forced to choose between working with her favorite cartoonist or helping Julia—hoping she’ll turn into a forever friend.   

First sentence:

I’d eat worms or kiss a gross boy like Stinky Gorman to make sure my eleventh birthday won’t be another suck-a-rama. 

Entry #81: THE OFFAL TRUTH

Title: The Offal Truth

Genre:  MG/Humor


Pitch: 

Ten-year-old Alex Offal pays his twin Ethan to take his place in the class play but his brainy brother masterminds a stinky and embarrassing climax.

Alex Offal got the lead in the class play!  Problem is, he doesn't want it. Unfortunately, it's for a grade.  And he has to kiss a girl in front of everybody.  Gross!  Desperate to escape this awful scenario, he bribes his identical twin brother, Ethan, to trade places with him. 

Little does he know his evil-genius twin has a stinky, wicked scheme of his own up his sleeve; one that could ruin not just the rest of the school year, but his entire life!

The Offal Truth is a 13,000 word book for reluctant readers. It is intended to be the first in a series but also works as a standalone title.

First sentence: 

My twin brother ruined my life. 

Entry #80: THE MYSTERIOUS MANDOLIN

Title: The Mysterious Mandolin 

Genre: MG fantasy

Pitch: 

All Mathelda ever wanted was to be as beautiful as her stepsister Rosalynn. Her wish finally comes true, but only as part of a murderous plan schemed by her mother, Dethdemona.  After Rosalynn’s death, Mathelda gets more than she’d ever dreamed of—beauty, riches, and soon even the crown, but only under the condition that she never speaks, for her voice would give her away. All is well, until the king asks Mathelda to sing him a song.

 

First Sentence: 

King Henry’s horses ran as if they could feel their master’s victory in every muscle.

Entry #79: SNAP

Title: SNAP

Genre: YA Contemporary

Pitch:

In the CUTTING EDGE meets ANNA AND THE FRENCH KISS, Seventeen-year-old Kate Reddy has sacrificed school, family, and a social life to be a figure skating champion. But when hot hockey player Brice tears up the ice, Kate's blade is caught in a rut, and an ACL injury ruins her Olympic dreams. Despite her feelings for him, Kate blames Brice for ruining her career. She doesn’t know who she is anymore without figure skating. Her estranged physician father suggests an experimental treatment that might heal her knee by next season, but Kate must learn to trust him again, and realize there is more to her identity than skating.

First sentence:

I yank hard on my skate laces, not caring how they dig into my calloused fingers.    

Entry #78: ROSE SHADOW

Title: Rose Shadow

Genre: YA Fantasy

Pitch: 

Violet is a kick-ass heroine of a different, stubbornly kindhearted sort. Raised in an isolated wood by her secretive Grandmother, she longs to know more about herself, but encounters only more questions when she is summoned to the royal court by the ruthless Countess Is'aura. 

Violet is escorted to court by the disinherited noble Raven, who warns her that the Countess’ true intention is to teach Violet magic in order to enhance her own power. Violet wants to trust the Countess, who claims to have been a friend of Violet's mother, and is her best chance to understand her past; but she wants to trust Raven too, even as their time together leaves her simultaneously exasperated and entranced.

When Violet is forced to wield ancient, dangerous magic in the form of a tapestry woven of her own memories, finding the truth about herself may cost her everything she is. 

First sentence:

The wood was a great green dragon, and I was its treasure, greedily horded.

Entry #77: IVAN AND GREY WOLF

Title: IVAN AND GREY WOLF

Genre: NA

Pitch:

 Ivan killed his mother. His father hates him. His brother beats him. He is Durochka, the Little Fool.

And then the firebird comes, stealing sculptures from his beloved mother’s garden.

His family won’t believe what he has seen, so Ivan, an autistic twenty-three-year-old, goes out alone seeking proof of the mysterious bird. He teams up with Grey Wolf, Keeper of the Ostyak Forest. When they discover the truth, everything they have ever believed about their world is turned upside down. They are thrust into the center of a conspiracy to bring down a foreign government, unsure of who to trust or what consequences their choices might hold.

The key to Ivan’s survival may lie with a spy crucial to the rebellion, a woman code-named Trojan Horse. A woman who has Ivan’s eyes. A woman who knows Ivan’s face. A woman callous enough to walk out on an autistic son.

First sentence:

A midwife placed her hands on the small of Vasilisa's back, pressing hard to relieve the pain of the contraction.

Entry #76: THE WITCH'S BREW

Title: The Witch's Brew

Genre: YA/Legal Thriller

Pitch: 

Ten years after the disappearance of sibling pair Hansel and Gretel, Gretel’s body is unearthed. All evidence points to Carmen Caramelo a.k.a. the Candy Witch. Fuelled by her own false arrest and her growing attraction to the witch’s son, sixteen-year-old Amy Faye, will stop at nothing to prove Carmen’s innocence. Unfortunately for Amy, that also means risking her reputation, her friendships and even her life. THE WITCH'S BREW is John Grisham’s The Accused meets Bill Willingham’s Fables: Peter and Max.

First Sentence: 

I didn’t steal the lipstick.

Entry #75: SUMMER OF HOPE

Title: SUMMER OF HOPE

Genre: YA Contemporary

Pitch:

After her brother’s death, sixteen-year-old Callie wants nothing more than to shut down and give up. Forced to go to her family’s summer vacation home, she resolves to erase the pain anyway she can.
Then she meets Ethan, and soon finds herself drawn to his sweet ways and sexy smile. She ends up falling for him in a big way—until she realizes he's hiding a secret that will change everything. Ethan came to the beach to escape, to live without the label. Because his label is the kid with Hodgkin's disease.
Callie is left with the choice of standing by Ethan's side and watching another person she loves die, or leaving and losing all hope of believing in love again. Fight or flight? Callie's decision kick-starts a dramatic series of events that will change not only her own life, but the lives of everyone around her, forever.

First sentence:

"I watched my twin brother die, and couldn't do a thing to stop it."

Entry #74: GERALD AND THE AMULET OF ZONRACH

Title: GERALD AND THE AMULET OF ZONRACH

Genre: Upper MG humorous fantasy

Pitch: 

In the realm of Wyverndawn, a wizard’s height is the mark of his power, and shrinking an entire inch is disastrous for twelve-year-old Gerald. 

Looking for promotion of an inch or two Gerald attempts to create a village landmark using his superior wizarding skills, but the spell he bought - from a guy who knows a guy - is a tad more powerful than he anticipates.  The resulting earthquake, hurricane and assisting the escape of a very dangerous wizard, named Vabalaz, from prison really weren’t part of the plan.

A red-faced Gerald is banished from his village and, to complete his shame, shrinks another inch; two more and he’ll join his father as a Royal Equine Poop Disposal Coordinator.

Gerald’s hopes of returning home hinge on repairing the damage to Wyverndawn and thwarting Vabalaz’s plans. Failure could mean Gerald’s next spell might very well be his last.

First sentence: 

A flash of blinding blue light filled the room, followed by a billowing cloud of dark, acrid smoke.

Entry #73: ENTHRALLED

Title: Enthralled

Genre: NA Contemporary Fantasy

Pitch:

Exploiting Tom’s unique gift of being able to find anyone, anywhere is the only way to pay off his late father’s enormous gambling debts. So when a rich recluse promises Tom a fortune if he brings back her kidnapped daughter, Una, Tom seizes the chance for freedom.

To augment her magic, Una Kearny’s mother has siphoned power from Una all her life, and Una’s sick of being someone else’s battery pack. But after she escapes the shackles of her mother’s hexes, she’ll do whatever it takes to stay free.

Tom soon discovers he's the Son of the West Wind. Una finds breaking her addiction to her devious mother is harder than she’d ever imagined. And if the two of them can’t find a way through the perilous Traveller trials of fire and water, they’ll lose their only chance at escaping the magical enslavement that may yet bind them both.

First sentence:

The symptoms hit Una sooner than she had calculated.