THE OTHER SIDE OF NORMAL
YA Dark Comedy
YA Dark Comedy
Mashup: Tina Fey’s MEAN GIRLS/Lauren Oliver’s ROOMS/Meg Cabot’s MEDIUM. When Bethany Sultry pictured her future, she never imagined her life would end in a car crash when she was sixteen, not as her popularity was rising, and certainly not one hour after she was crowned the junior class homecoming queen. When ownership of the crown transfers to her high school nemesis, Bethany refuses to rest in peace with that bitch wearing her bling. But how far will she go to defeat her rival if the price of victory is damning her own soul to hell?
When I die, I don’t so much go into the light as have the light suck me up like a dust bunny in a cosmic vacuum cleaner. I zoom headfirst through an immense translucent tunnel four times my width. A hum loud as a jet engine presses against my inner ear. The smell of ozone pinches my nasal cavities. Veils of colored air blow through my scalp, wind along my spinal column, and exit cold through the soles of my bare feet. My body curves into a tucked roll. The light dims. I burst into a stark white room and land on my feet in crouched position. The floor is solid and warm.
I see my boyfriend’s dead sister. She waves. Her name is Moon. She’s sucking on a lollipop, the big kind with the swirls. Her hair’s done up in three ponytails. I’m pretty sure she has a glitter tattoo on her cheek but it’s hard to see against the pale blue tint of her skin.
I straighten up and ask, “Is this heaven?”
Moon pulls the lollipop from her mouth and points it at the only other living being in the room. “Meet Cal. He’s an angel.”
Being in the presence of an angel is awesome, especially when that angel smells like warm apple pie with cinnamon crumb topping. His cheekbones are higher than mine. I want to lick one.
Cal narrows his eyes at me. “I’m your celestial probation officer.”
I resolve not to lick any part of him.