Sunday, September 21, 2014


83,000 words
YA Historical Fantasy


Sixteen-year-old Anna Bradforde’s sharpshooting would make her an asset in the secret war against the vampires encroaching on the young American south. If she weren’t dying.

Anna’s family has shielded her from the fight since chronic illness left her body fragile. Safe, but useless. A burden.

When a new vampire clan makes themselves known, the Bradfordes find their already-tight resources stretched to the breaking point. Anna will do anything to keep her family and their secret safe. Even marry a rich man and murder him.

Eighteen-year-old Roland Madison is the perfect target: heir to a fortune; impulsive; a closet romantic. Luring him to the altar will be far too easy.

The trap is set, a debut ball with Anna as the bait. But as the vampires close in and Anna’s health continues to fail, she must decide if Roland’s death is really the only way to ensure her family’s survival.


December 16th, 1818

Too sick for my own debut.

I pressed my forehead to my bedroom window. In the garden below, silver moonlight shone on the guests, on Daddy and Mama, on the ivory pins holding her blonde curls in place. The orchestra struck up a quadrille, and my parents stepped to the center.
I should have been down there. Coughs as sharp as claws wracked my lungs. I clutched the quilt closer. I should have been at the center of the quadrille, all eyes on me, radiant in silk and velvet.

One couple at a time, more people joined in. My brother Christopher and sister-in-law Elizabeth. The mayor and his wife. The Augusta elite, their faces familiar from my years of watching though they hadn’t even seen me since I first got sick. We’d spread a story that I was studying abroad with my uncle. He’d been dead for years, but the gentry didn’t need to know. If they did, they’d be concerned.

Concerned people were curious, Daddy’d said. Curious people were nosy. Nosy people were a liability.

“Miss Anna!”

I whipped about, and the world spun.

“Can’t I take my eyes off you for one minute?” Deladis stood in the open door, her arms folded tight over her apron. “You’re supposed to be in bed. Don’t make me get Mr. Bradforde.”

I stiffened. Too sick to dance. Too sick to greet the guests. And now too sick to watch my own ball.

I pulled in as deep a breath as I could and let it out slowly. “Just a few minutes longer?”

Deladis gave an exaggerated huff, but the corners of her eyes crinkled. “One more dance, Miss Anna, I mean it. I will get your daddy on you.”

I smiled at her and turned my attention back to the garden. The opening quadrille ended. Mama stood at Daddy’s side, radiant in my dress. Deladis’d worked on it for months. And I didn’t even get to wear it.

“I want to extend my thanks to everyone for joining us here tonight," Daddy said. "As you know, this was to be my little Anna’s debut. Unfor—”

The ballroom door burst open, and my brother Samuel rushed to Daddy’s side. His bleak mourning attire set him apart among the glittering gems. He laid a hand on Daddy’s shoulder, whispered something, and retreated. Daddy motioned for Christopher and Mama to follow.

“I’m very sorry,” Daddy said. Whispers welled around him, and he raised a hand for silence. He still smiled, but his voice was stern. “I’m afraid there’s a family emergency. My daughter-in-law Elizabeth will entertain you. Please, enjoy the music and refreshments. We’ll rejoin you as soon as we’re able.”

 “I have to go.” I swung my feet off the window seat, swayed, and Deladis steadied me.

“It’s all right, Miss Anna,” she said, keeping a hand on my shoulder. “Let them handle it. You need rest.”

I shook my head. The room swam. “I need to be with my family. Something’s wrong.”

“But the guests—”


I looked up into her dark brown eyes, and she gave an indulgent shake of her head. “Take the back stairs.” She held my redingote for me, and I slipped it snug around my shoulders. “Do you need help?”

“No, I’ve managed on my own before.” I said it more steadily than I felt, but she still followed me out of my bedroom and along the corridor.

My feigned strength lasted until I reached the top of the stairs. Out of breath already, I looked down at the fifteen steps that stood between me and the hallway to the study. Damn my pride.

“Are you sure, Miss Anna?” Deladis asked softly. “It’s nothing shameful.”

“No. I’ll manage it.”

I gripped the smooth wood railing with both hands and took the first step. I made sure of my footing on the hardwood stair. One step. Another. Another. My lungs burned. Deladis hovered behind me, ready to catch me if I swayed.

I gripped the railing tighter and pressed on. One more step. One more. By the time I reached the bottom, my arms trembled from keeping myself upright. Still, I looked up the stairway and gave a shaky, triumphant laugh. True to my word, I’d done it alone.

I stumbled the rest of the way to the downstairs study. Over Deladis’ retreating footsteps, the music in the garden, and the rasp of my breathing, I heard whispers. I rapped lightly on the door.


The brass knob turned, the door opened a crack, and Daddy’s brown eyes peered out. “Anna! You should be in bed!”

“I wanted to be here,” I assured him. “I’m well enough. I want to work.”

He glanced over his shoulder at Mama, who nodded, and he swung the door wider. Once the door was locked, Daddy guided me to a seat at the table between Mama and Christopher.

Mama pushed a cup of tea to me, but I hesitated before I picked it up. This was one of her favorite tricks: if my hands shook at all, she’d whisk me back to bed, and not a thing I could say would stop her.

“Thank you,” I said. Commanding my hands to be still, I raised the fine china cup to my lips and sipped. Honey and lemon played over my tongue. I delicately set the cup back on its saucer. “Delicious.”

Her expectant gaze turned to frustration, but she didn’t press me. “I know what my daughter needs,” she said with the same practiced smile she’d taught me.

“Let's have the report,” Daddy said, nodding to the man across the table from me, Commander Petersen.

He’d been part of our war since before I was born. Usually, I was glad to see him, but the set of his shoulders was wrong. Tight. His hair was grayer about the temples than it had been just a few months ago, and he had dark rings under his eyes. I’d only ever seen him impeccably groomed, but mud had splattered on his jacket.

Petersen spread a map over the table and placed a marker a few miles from his station in Richmond. “We found a new warren here,” he said. “A dozen bodies, drained dry. Heap of weapons to your hip.

“These aren't the vampires we're used to. They're careful. Old. We hit hard, but the bastards had already escaped. All slipped out but one.”

Mama set her teacup aside. “That’s disappointing, Commander,” she said coolly, the remains of her French accent curling around the words. She usually tried to hide it, but when we were in private. “We expect better of you. Still, it's nothing that couldn’t wait for your month-end report. Why come at a gallop?”

“Because the one they left behind had this.” He reached into his coat pocket and flung a letter upon the table. The profile of a moose’s head was pressed into the wax seal. Petersen slid it to Daddy. “It’s addressed to you.”

Daddy broke the seal and unfolded the letter. Samuel stood just behind his shoulder and read along. I watched their faces, but they gave away none of the letter’s contents. Daddy passed the parchment to Petersen and then to Mama who, curse it, read just as impassively. Then she crumpled the thing and tossed it into the fireplace.

I watched the edges blacken and shrivel, my hands balled into fists in my lap. Too sick even to read.

1 comment:

  1. I like the setting and tone you create in your pitch; the fact that your MC suffers from chronic illness sets your story apart and makes me want to know more about her. I love all the short fragments (i.e. Safe but useless. If she weren’t dying). They create a very clear voice.

    However, I’m a little confused as to why she needs to marry and murder a rich man. Is it solely for his money? Is it part of a bigger plan to take down the vampires? Is the main plot focused on killing Roland or on defeating the vampires? I know we’ve only got 150 words, but perhaps consider answering some of these questions when you aren’t constrained to a word count. =)

    When Samuel rushes into the ball and whispers something to their dad, I wonder if there could be a bit more build-up of tension. We get a bit, but it seems like Anna would draw out the descriptions, seeing as she’s watching them so closely from afar. Just a thought!

    I really like the teacup test her mom gives her. A very original way to set up this family dynamic. I want to know what the letter says! Great job of quickly getting us to empathize with and care about your characters.

    Good luck!


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