Sunday, March 2, 2014

Entry #21: HERITAGE BLADE

Title: Heritage Blade

Genre: YA Urban Fantasy

Word Count: 85,000
Pitch:

Fifteen-year-old Jay Mitchell is the most lethal secret walking the streets of Chicago, the boy who smells of blood and magic. Trained to protect mankind from rogue Pandorans—supernatural beings who cross into this world through Pandora's Box—he’s good at what he does, so long as no one knows he does it.

While rescuing a damsel faking distress, Jay inadvertently reveals himself and what he’s been up to. His superiors aren’t happy, especially since he’s Unsanctioned—hunting without a license. No bueno. On top of having to convince the powers-that-be not to throw him in a dark hole for the rest of his life, someone or something has put a price on his head. Probably looking for a little payback. Jay needs to find the bastard, and the girl who started this mess, before everything that goes bump in the night arrives to collect.

First Page:

How the hell did a four-legged, supernatural killing machine the size of an F150 vanish? Magic would’ve been an easy answer, but transport spells left remnants—potent ones. Jay would’ve sensed something like that a county over.
“Not like it took the metro.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as the pounding behind his eyes intensified. If he hit one more dead end he’d shoot something, or himself. In the face.
You’re overthinking it, idiot.
Howlyngs weren’t the Einsteins of their kind. Eat, sleep, repeat.
He snorted. “But this one’s smart enough to hide.”
Damn thing must’ve gone underground after its last kill attracted Primetime attention. The newscast flashed through Jay’s mind, a sobbing mother pleading for clues about whoever mutilated her daughter. There was no who.
He gripped his sword, banishing the memory. Crouched on a ledge seven stories high, he scanned the skyline. The Near North Side rose around him with buildings transformed to solid shadows by the overcast night. Sirens crested and faded like the tide. The tangy scent of the lake drenched the air, and the wind belted him with bitter cold, cutting through the leather coating his body. October in Chicago—arctic.
Jay returned his attention to the streets. Police found the girl’s remains in the alley below. She was a petit thing. The howlyng wouldn’t stay sated for long.
There was one trick he hadn’t tried. It would expose him to the beast, but prevent another innocent having their throat ripped out.
He stood. Desperate times….

1 comment:

  1. Pitch: Suggest a change in 2nd graph: “inadvertently reveals [his powers to her.]” The hunting without a license is interesting, but not clear, since in graph one you write that he’s been trained. That would lead me to believe he’s also been sent by some authority. The “No bueno.” took me away from the story line. First Page: I liked some of your phrasing. “buildings transformed to solid shadows by the overcast night” “Sirens crested and faded like the tide.” “the lake drenched the air” “Chicago—arctic.”

    ReplyDelete

Please leave your courteous and professional comments for the writer! We'd love to hear from you! : )