Title: Something Wicked
Genre: NA Contemporary Fantasy
Word count: 98,000
Pitch:
Blood magic drives you mad. So does family. Twenty-year-old witch Rose LeFey has problems with both, especially when she discovers fae, werewolves, and a vampire imprisoned in her Aunt Sorcha’s basement.Sorcha stole their blood, and intends to use it to re-ignite an ancient conflict between their races.
Determined to prevent a LeFey-led atrocity, Rose frees the captives. Except when she releases the werewolf, Dar, she triggers a hidden spell that forges a mate-bond between them. Pursuing Sorcha to the gates of the fae city just got harder, as Rose can barely resist pouncing on Dar like a starving jungle cat.
Determined to prevent a LeFey-led atrocity, Rose frees the captives. Except when she releases the werewolf, Dar, she triggers a hidden spell that forges a mate-bond between them. Pursuing Sorcha to the gates of the fae city just got harder, as Rose can barely resist pouncing on Dar like a starving jungle cat.
But to stop Sorcha’s war, Rose must force her growing feelings for Dar aside and harness her repressed blood magic without letting it consume her. If she fails, she’ll become the protégé her aunt wanted all along. If she succeeds, she’ll break every spell – including her bond with Dar.
First Page:
All witches liked their accessories – even the bad ones.
The reassuring weight of metal and stone jewelry circling Rose’s fingers couldn’t shield her from the subtle menace of her aunt’s store. It squatted before her like a wooden toad, waiting patiently to swallow her whole. Caught between the searing August sun and the short building, she quietly chanted a child’s charm, “Looks so lovely, feels so strong, shines so bright when lights are gone.”
The darkness inside that store was terrifyingly familiar. She’d fought that darkness – that sickness – for six years.
Now she’d face the woman who’d taught her to embrace it.
“This was a stupid idea,” she muttered. “Just because Grandmama says LeFeys deal with their own, doesn’t mean I have to be the LeFey to do it.” Which was nonsense; there were only three LeFeys left.
She wasn’t an impressionable fourteen-year-old anymore, but that didn’t stop her from wishing some pedestrians, or a four car pile-up, would delay the inevitable. Yet perfect silence smothered the small, Washington town of Pinemount like a lead blanket.
Squaring her shoulders, she pushed through The Mystic Broom’s front door. Necklaces jangled rhythmically against her chest, noticeably slower than the pounding of her heart. Her soles scuffed unnaturally loud across the floorboards as she made her way into the shadow-filled reaches. She hoped her aunt would prove as easy to find as the dust bunnies colonizing the floor.
The sooner she confirmed that Sorcha remained a quiet recluse, nestled far away from Louisiana witch society in the Northern Cascades, the sooner Rose could leave.
Great pitch! The first two sentences are hilarious! My only issue would be the last sentence. If she succeeds, she'd break every spell ever cast by the supernatural races? I"m unclear. And also, since you've portrayed the mate-bond as somewhat of a undesired distraction and hindrance, to use it as a negative here doesn't work for me. Couldn't she and Dar still be attracted to each other after the spell is broken? And be together? I'm also unclear on mate-bond, other than that it's sexual in nature. Anything beyond that? As it were, if she succeeds, I don't see any real negatives. So make the loss of mate-bond more clear perhaps, or any other losses? Would she lose her own magic entirely? If so, she must be conflicted about that, as a magical witch.
ReplyDeleteI love the opening. One question: "even the bad ones" in the first sentence. Do you mean even bad witches love their accessories? Or all witches love accessories, even if they are bad accessories? I especially give kudos on use of imagery and objects that convey the setting, like the wooden toad swallowing her whole. I liked the voice and all the descriptions and her hesitancy. It's a good set up of tension, and lets the reader know what might go wrong. One thing that didn't work for me: like a lead blanket. Use something that is more supernatural and witch related perhaps? Keep it in her world, and her thinking. Would Rose think of lead blankets?
Really enjoyed! Hope my comments helped and good luck!
I thought the pitch was a little confusing although I loved the first two lines a lot as a hook!.
ReplyDeletePages- Bad witches or bad accessories??
I found the opening paragraph a little confusing, which might be okay… the writing is rich, but the image of a building squatting didn't really work for me. *Personal pet peeve of mine, when characters speak out loud to themselves. Can she think it instead?? I liked the tone, but some of it felt too much, the sense of urgency is kind of hidden in some of the description....the writing is lovely, but maybe dial it back a little in the opening? ie- I loved the last line but to me it would read stronger if it said...The sooner she confirmed that Sorcha remained a quiet recluse, the sooner Rose could leave.