tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post5487323199878978113..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #57: WHAT LIES BETWEENMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-4801242752441946892014-02-24T23:25:31.059-05:002014-02-24T23:25:31.059-05:00Nice pitch, Kimberly! Hope it goes far :)Nice pitch, Kimberly! Hope it goes far :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08518909437341890734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-20652915519821992972014-02-21T09:43:28.637-05:002014-02-21T09:43:28.637-05:00What I like: I think this is really accomplished –...What I like: I think this is really accomplished – it follows the format – character—conflict-stakes- without feeling formulaic. It feels effortless.<br /><br />What I would like: Being picky, ‘burning-boned beasts’ is nice alliteration but a tough visual. <br /><br />Also, I love that last line!!!<br /><br />YOU ARE AWESOME!<br /><br />Great job!<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-47396855968820708172014-02-21T02:15:41.004-05:002014-02-21T02:15:41.004-05:00I absolutely love the first sentence of your pitch...I absolutely love the first sentence of your pitch! I'd definitely want to read more of your story. <br /><br />I wonder if the third line would read better if you tweak it a bit. Something like: Either she’s crazy or monsters are stalking her.Mindy Alyse Weisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08771641311473178834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-48136882405457645952014-02-20T13:18:26.271-05:002014-02-20T13:18:26.271-05:00This sounds really good and the stakes are pretty ...This sounds really good and the stakes are pretty clear. I did find this sentence a bit of mouthful and tripped over it a bit "But every time she catches a glimpse of her reflection, a snarling horde of burning-boned beasts crowds out her image" Could you condense this a bit. Maybe take out "burning-boned". Good luck!rena traxelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09984425188567295761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-88340805962453300802014-02-20T07:56:13.033-05:002014-02-20T07:56:13.033-05:00This really is beautifully written! So romantic! ...This really is beautifully written! So romantic! Poetic! Best Wishes.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-1544970461470237772014-02-19T20:31:27.666-05:002014-02-19T20:31:27.666-05:00I loved everything about this pitch! :) The title,...I loved everything about this pitch! :) The title, the concept, and especially this line: "Seventeen-year-old Grace Armstrong craves sanity the way some girls crave chocolate."<br /><br />Best of luck to you! You can count on a vote from me.The Magic Violinisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08889060820055920735noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-71843605257018463152014-02-19T16:58:13.787-05:002014-02-19T16:58:13.787-05:00Your writing is so poetic! I love it! Your writing is so poetic! I love it! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09610208332113861702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-79260047276399064972014-02-19T15:45:06.788-05:002014-02-19T15:45:06.788-05:00LOVE how the pitch came together. Great last line!...LOVE how the pitch came together. Great last line! You make it look so easy, but I know how much hard work went into this. Can't wait to read it!Luisa Perkinshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15310698422276446909noreply@blogger.com