tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post4036186399908496364..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #5: FRESHMEN BLUESMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-40503000711724067942014-09-16T09:09:11.837-04:002014-09-16T09:09:11.837-04:00Great premise for the book! I like the idea of usi...Great premise for the book! I like the idea of using the fantasy elements to deal with real, everyday problems like depression, fitting in, etc.<br /><br />For the first pages, I think you can tighten things up a bit and be careful of typos and repetitive words. For example the paragraphs where she talks about the meeting. I stumbled over that one. Should be an easy fix though.<br /><br />I would also like to see more action, physical and/or emotion, and tension in these pages. Chris seems to react to other people's actions instead of his own. I guess I'd like to see more of his personality in these pages so I can cheer for him later on.<br />Please disregard whatever suggestions don't work. <br />Thanks!Halli Gomezhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09667712458691917486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-68644289539853215742014-09-13T15:47:16.691-04:002014-09-13T15:47:16.691-04:00I love the premise for this one! Your pitch sets u...I love the premise for this one! Your pitch sets up the story nicely, although I think you could be clearer in the first paragraph about the "special abilities," maybe by giving a few examples: physics can do X abilities, music can do Y abilities (although I know we had a word limit).<br /><br />Your pages are good and the writing flows well, but I wonder if the pacing can be a little faster. A lot of school stories start out with meeting the roommates, which of course is necessary, but I always think those scenes should be shortened to get to the main story sooner. Might just be my opinion :)<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com