tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post3402788931891710793..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #13: THE SINNER ROSEMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-90553633618563900522015-02-25T14:32:08.009-05:002015-02-25T14:32:08.009-05:00Pitch:
Wow, what a cool twist on love stories! I w...Pitch:<br />Wow, what a cool twist on love stories! I was totally on board with everything until you mention that he's her true love. I just had questions about the mythology of the world. Does this mean they fall in love? Or does everyone have "one true love" that he or she is bound to? Is magic a part of love? Clearing this up may help. I agree with MPEagles, I also wonder what moves the story along for 93 K words--more info could assist readers in staying intrigued!<br /><br />First Page:<br />No comments, other than I want to read more!<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07080314722070284890noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-85185039145990344532015-02-21T21:57:07.659-05:002015-02-21T21:57:07.659-05:00Good Evening!
Ok I read your pitch and I know I n...Good Evening! <br />Ok I read your pitch and I know I not supposed to chuckle because it maybe thought of as rude, but my first thought was... 'if they cant fall in love, who is making the babies' (Please don't hate me right away for being slightly immature)<br />On a more serious note... Does the Prince feel the same way about her? They both feel it right? If he is the prince, do you think he can get a special dispensation from his dad? <br />I like the decision to kill right away. It gets you right into the MC's head, and it tells us that she can see the Black Magic aura which I am sure is important to death dealers. If that is the case though.. won't another death dealer see it when she is around the Prince and catch on? <br />I am curious of how much of the book does it take for her to fall for this Prince. What I mean is... if she falls in love in the first few chapters, what is the struggle that keeps the book going for 93K words? If it is later, what keeps me from skipping a few chapters and getting to the internal battle stuff? Right away you get into what she is, so we know that she is fighting against the black magic of love, so what is either the build up to her love that keeps me turning the pages, or what is the struggle that keeps them holding on for the rest of the book? I'm missing that in the Pitch. (I hope that makes sense?) <br />Description is good. Like your writing style. Want to feel not only the internal struggle that you portray in the first page, but I need something to cling to as I turn a lot of pages. <br />Cheers! <br />Fellow Contestant & Writing FriendAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-82435298125817258972015-02-21T16:39:38.174-05:002015-02-21T16:39:38.174-05:00I remember reading this somewhere - sunvssnow? - a...I remember reading this somewhere - sunvssnow? - and thinking how much I liked it! The ultimate conflict - kill your true love or die. My heart is breaking already. This is just the kind of story I love. Wonderful world building. Enough detail without being overwhelming. I hope to see your novel in bookstores soon.<br /><br />Jenny #23Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08697166619478748131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-30596295646615145762015-02-20T18:26:44.929-05:002015-02-20T18:26:44.929-05:00Love this! Would love to connect with you so give ...Love this! Would love to connect with you so give me a follow on twitter and I'll follow you back :) https://twitter.com/KristaWaymentKristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10348921731053503531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-86708219804340113982015-02-20T17:40:03.055-05:002015-02-20T17:40:03.055-05:00Pitch: The premise promises great drama, but I’d l...Pitch: The premise promises great drama, but I’d like to understand a little better how things work. Specifically, how does true love translate into black magic? Is there non-black magic as well?<br /><br />First page: This is a great start: strong atmosphere and we get a good sense of where we are, with the details about the musical instruments and the woman’s dress. We also get straight into the MC’s mindset and she’s faced right away with a challenge. One concern: The couple seem aware they’re at risk but they’re not taking any precautions to avoid being caught. Of course you may go on to explain whether they were being careless or something else on page 2…<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-27679777044543118582015-02-20T15:31:56.891-05:002015-02-20T15:31:56.891-05:00Pitch is clear and well-presented.
Great voice an...Pitch is clear and well-presented.<br /><br />Great voice and atmosphere on the first page. If there's any way it's possible to get the outcome of this encounter into the first 250, I think that would be fantastic.<br /><br />Best of luck with it,<br />MVBAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06531621112783067972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-23816602969317322272015-02-20T11:15:59.679-05:002015-02-20T11:15:59.679-05:00I love your concept! The pitch sounds great and yo...I love your concept! The pitch sounds great and you do a great job of building your world in the first page.<br /><br />The description of the characters' hair and skin jumped out at me. If they look like your MC, she wouldn't think about their hair and skin color. Could you just mention the character diversity in your pitch? Then you could move the description back to somewhere it fit more naturally, and the focus here would be more fully on the aura, which is very cool.<br /><br />Best of luck in the contest!<br />RebeccaAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13896416602520194004noreply@blogger.com