tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post2490180427920097378..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #17 - THE UNBELIEVABLE MISADVENTURES OF AVERY MANNMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-50388255649293081552014-03-01T09:07:21.302-05:002014-03-01T09:07:21.302-05:00Judge #2:
Thanks! I'm glad you liked the voic...Judge #2:<br /><br />Thanks! I'm glad you liked the voice... as for too many beasts/adjectives. I'll see if I can fix that in the next version.<br /><br />Best Wishes,<br />JosephJoseph Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12712270182152823454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-21096391135008582502014-02-28T22:45:58.006-05:002014-02-28T22:45:58.006-05:00On behalf of your second judge: "The voice h...On behalf of your second judge: "The voice here is awesome for MG! Possibly too many examples of different beasts and a few too many adjectives in the pitch. But overall it's great!"Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-34178766836718078842014-02-28T20:46:43.712-05:002014-02-28T20:46:43.712-05:00Thanks Judge #4!
I'm glad you liked the pitch...Thanks Judge #4!<br /><br />I'm glad you liked the pitch. This contest has really helped me hone it to a much sharper point. ;)<br /><br />Best Wishes,<br />JosephJoseph Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12712270182152823454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-35834978069265465942014-02-28T17:58:19.371-05:002014-02-28T17:58:19.371-05:00You have nailed the Middle grade voice, and the fa...You have nailed the Middle grade voice, and the fantastical & fun elements here make this pitch a serious contender. Well done! The only thing I'd lose is "giant" from "giant, one-eyed cops" because of the alliteration issue (and the sentence is already a bit crammed). Good luck!AYAP Judge # 4https://www.blogger.com/profile/07095106084606093120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-38289291399088524122014-02-27T16:31:26.964-05:002014-02-27T16:31:26.964-05:00Rebecca,
Thanks for your comments. I didn't e...Rebecca,<br /><br />Thanks for your comments. I didn't even notice that the second and third lines are list-y. I'll see what I can do to change that in the next revision.<br /><br />Best Wishes,<br />JosephJoseph Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12712270182152823454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-33929919860896787982014-02-26T13:46:12.700-05:002014-02-26T13:46:12.700-05:00I love your first line! My only tiny nitpicks are ...I love your first line! My only tiny nitpicks are the second and third lines of the pitch. You've listed four items in the second sentence and three, plus three more in the third. I think you could safely take the quirkiest and funniest and pare it down without losing anything or just break up the sentences so they're not back to back. Other than that, I think you've done a fantastic job!! I'd love to read this. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01591459839855342886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-12202907377279319202014-02-25T15:41:42.831-05:002014-02-25T15:41:42.831-05:00Thanks Kimberly and Mindy! I'm so glad I enter...Thanks Kimberly and Mindy! I'm so glad I entered this contest b/c it really helped me polish this pitch. I feel much better about it now then when I wrote the first version a couple weeks ago.Joseph Millerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12712270182152823454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-20957271002095568822014-02-25T00:24:11.304-05:002014-02-25T00:24:11.304-05:00Your voice shines through in this query, and the f...Your voice shines through in this query, and the first line hooked me right away. I'm still laughing at 'throws a flying monkey wrench.' Mindy Alyse Weisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08771641311473178834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-31092834959905877942014-02-23T15:14:58.384-05:002014-02-23T15:14:58.384-05:00This is THE BEST middle grade voice I've read ...This is THE BEST middle grade voice I've read in ages. And I have a bookshelf full of the stuff in my personal library. You have got it nailed, and the story sounds fascinating to boot. I can see myself huddled on our living room couch with my children clustered around me, gasping in horror and laughing in delight as your story unfolds. Fabulous job!Kimberly Vanderhorsthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01653757517652257445noreply@blogger.com