tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post2261848428107126436..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #21: HERITAGE BLADEMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-87968241888083056312014-03-03T14:32:33.103-05:002014-03-03T14:32:33.103-05:00Pitch: Suggest a change in 2nd graph: “inadvertent...Pitch: Suggest a change in 2nd graph: “inadvertently reveals [his powers to her.]” The hunting without a license is interesting, but not clear, since in graph one you write that he’s been trained. That would lead me to believe he’s also been sent by some authority. The “No bueno.” took me away from the story line. First Page: I liked some of your phrasing. “buildings transformed to solid shadows by the overcast night” “Sirens crested and faded like the tide.” “the lake drenched the air” “Chicago—arctic.”AYAP Judge 1https://www.blogger.com/profile/16182849395867360908noreply@blogger.com