tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post3760723476073087103..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #41 - MUSIC OF THE NIGHTMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-75240488017131888702014-02-27T05:33:53.701-05:002014-02-27T05:33:53.701-05:00This was well written and I really understood the ...This was well written and I really understood the plot from the pitch. I loved how the stakes kept increasing.AYAP JUDGEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17957753496327994873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-81589491204816571062014-02-26T17:07:54.704-05:002014-02-26T17:07:54.704-05:00Hi there! Two quick things:
1. You might have a h...Hi there! Two quick things:<br /><br />1. You might have a hard time pitching this book with its vague similarities to established works, i.e. Phantom of the Opera. If so, you could always try blending this concept with something else, and then using that comparison as a selling point. Maybe change the title, too. :) <br /><br />2. The pitch left a few dots unconnected, for me. Is there a time limit for how long Isabette can inhabit a body? What happens if she stays longer? Also, when did Teagan become a love interest?<br /><br />Regardless, you're off to a great start!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10317642978167085055noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-90952691514484782772014-02-25T05:28:38.447-05:002014-02-25T05:28:38.447-05:00I think the description of Isabette is a bit awkwa...I think the description of Isabette is a bit awkward. For me "loses his first love and vocal coach—Isabette" would work better. It has the same number of words.<br /><br />I find it a bit of a contradiction that he would believe his love has brought her back when he's already got a new love interest. To me that detracts from the concept a bit. <br /><br />Best of luck.SM Johnstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03546994863993080465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-22282193753606650892014-02-25T01:10:04.493-05:002014-02-25T01:10:04.493-05:00What a unique and haunting premise!
I agree with...What a unique and haunting premise! <br /><br />I agree with the comments you've received. Maybe you can weave some of the info from the first sentence in later so it draws the reader in even faster. I think the last sentence will have more oomph if you break it into two sentences. Mindy Alyse Weisshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08771641311473178834noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-84996982880832525262014-02-24T20:28:48.895-05:002014-02-24T20:28:48.895-05:00This premise definitely intrigues me. Some thought...This premise definitely intrigues me. Some thoughts...The first sentence reads a little clunky to me. I can certainly understand why you are throwing all of the info in there...I just think it would read more smoothly if you either break it up, or take some up. The other thing I'm not totally clear on...when she possesses him, is it like he is no longer there at all (I guess I'm thinking what possessed people are like on Supernatural, lol) What is HER motivation for wanting to possess him? Or why did she really come back? Maybe clearing that up would help too. <br /><br />I like that you brought in another girl and that there is the added stake of danger there too. Again, I think the idea is great, very interesting, but I'd love to see some things just a little more clearly. Good luck!!! =)Jodie Andrefskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02991534398238542843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-16583345170574079762014-02-23T20:56:54.127-05:002014-02-23T20:56:54.127-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Kathleeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06087009456072956020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-72670342410192086172014-02-23T16:50:16.605-05:002014-02-23T16:50:16.605-05:00Love the premise of your story, but in reading it ...Love the premise of your story, but in reading it again, I'm a little confused about something. If Ash allows her spirit to possess him, and she murders the male lead - didn't Ash technically murder him? Or does she leave his body at will? Maybe a little clarification in the second paragraph would clear this up. Best of luck to you!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01591459839855342886noreply@blogger.com