tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post275698048317717555..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #11: AURORA ISLANDMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-55081703036461603802014-08-29T18:47:02.406-04:002014-08-29T18:47:02.406-04:00I liked this line quite a bit!
"The hoards(h...I liked this line quite a bit! <br />"The hoards(hordes, rather) of tourists are staying home because out there in the ocean, the remains of Flight #111 are scattered across the sandbar like a museum installation piece, an abstract sculpture of carnage." <br /><br />I also had a bit of trouble with the first paragraph - full court press? basket ball? but he was talking about surfing and plane crashes? - until I got a concrete image of the crowd of passengers on the tarmac. <br /><br />I also though this was really amusing: "I’d spent the better part of the flight trying to decipher the meaning behind her cryptic ink drawing. I figured if I stared at it long enough it would tell me whether I’m still in the friend zone. " <br /><br />His flirtation attempts were pretty cringeworthy, so spot-on for a teenager. <br /><br />Really unusual locale to start a story. I enjoyed it! Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820659522541825744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-38943385100964644752014-08-29T01:27:57.406-04:002014-08-29T01:27:57.406-04:00This is really great. The voice is spot on, and I ...This is really great. The voice is spot on, and I could get into Travis' head easily. I agree that the first paragraph was problematic, mostly because I confused by setting and what the MC was doing. I would actually consider starting the story while they're in the plane and the father taps his shoulder to look out the window/he looks at the picture on his hand (which is of what, btw?).<br /><br />Best of luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-91355495155650287152014-08-28T14:40:22.541-04:002014-08-28T14:40:22.541-04:00I really enjoyed the voice, and Travis comes acros...I really enjoyed the voice, and Travis comes across as a strong, likable MC. The story flowed well once I got into it, but the first paragraph felt a little distant to me. I wonder if you could actually start with the plane descending and the line about the remains of the plane as your opener. Then you could move that first paragraph down for the arrival. I would definitely read more, though!Laurie Dennisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01089552813955890768noreply@blogger.com