tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post2464009961607202035..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #15: RIVETEDMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-1271749587631224972015-03-03T03:38:30.442-05:002015-03-03T03:38:30.442-05:00Love the changes in your pitch and 250 words!! It ...Love the changes in your pitch and 250 words!! It reads stronger and has more of a YA feel. (I do miss the part about the bees and hope you saved it elsewhere in your ms.) I appreciate that you propel us into action and intrigue right away, establishing your world masterfully and surely through the eyes of your character. <br /><br />Great work! Not only do I want to read your book, but I also want to see the movie based on your book!<br /><br />Katya<br />#10 The Land of Joy and SorrowKatya Dovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05041531347441679904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-3328429704751701232015-03-01T20:41:41.508-05:002015-03-01T20:41:41.508-05:00Pitch: Interesting premise. Seems like it will be ...Pitch: Interesting premise. Seems like it will be exciting. Ironic that the paper men have burning hatred. Just one question: is this story told only from Johnny's POV or is it alternating? <br /><br />+1: I think a better first sentence would name what "it" is in the elevator. So, something like, "The unfinished man unfolded from the elevator." Small tweaks: remove filters and reduce the number of italicized words. Overall, the writing is tense, provocative, and appropriate for the genre and age group. Paced well.<br />Very well done!<br />(#14 OSN)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05783301584478246413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-62527916133508758212015-03-01T10:49:24.690-05:002015-03-01T10:49:24.690-05:00Pitch: Interesting premise. Is Johnny's sentie...Pitch: Interesting premise. Is Johnny's sentience unusual or are all the boltedkindred sentient?<br /><br />250: I really like this. Lots of tension and shows right away that this is not our ordinary world. Good luck! (#7)Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00601415592841037784noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-82627358545744965492015-02-28T01:09:37.767-05:002015-02-28T01:09:37.767-05:00Oh, love the new pitch. This is still on the top l...Oh, love the new pitch. This is still on the top list of my favorites :)Kristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10348921731053503531noreply@blogger.com