tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post2255679724088578247..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #28: REGINA'S HEIRMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-89770637249125786972014-08-30T13:47:57.580-04:002014-08-30T13:47:57.580-04:00You did a good job setting up Kara right from the ...You did a good job setting up Kara right from the start. She seems thoughtful and frank, and I like the internal conflict about her adoption. I saw the genre listed as YA fantasy, so I was a little surprised to see such a young protagonist in an urban setting.<br /><br />I agree with the others that the adoption conflict is clear enough from the first conversation and the followup between Kara and Jordan. The car conversation could probably be shorter, or be cut entirely.<br />Otherwise, good job setting up the family tension. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13081019207924706117noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-63463937224195919602014-08-30T13:20:36.678-04:002014-08-30T13:20:36.678-04:00Great idea to introduce the tension between the mo...Great idea to introduce the tension between the mother and daughter right away. With a title like "Regina's Heir," I can tell that's going to be super important. I agree with Timothy about the conversation afterwards. After the blunder in the store, I was already thinking to myself, "Oh, she must be adopted." So to have the mother blatantly say it afterwards was kind of redundant.<br /><br />Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-83273363176191466482014-08-30T10:10:32.969-04:002014-08-30T10:10:32.969-04:00The groundwork is set here for some interesting fa...The groundwork is set here for some interesting family tension! I do wish I'd been able to read the pitch for this one first, though. It reads straight contemporary to me, making me wonder if it's portal fantasy or contemporary fantasy. Best of luck to you! Laurie Dennisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01089552813955890768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-50420023797208547402014-08-29T16:31:11.451-04:002014-08-29T16:31:11.451-04:00With the title "Regina's Heir" and k...With the title "Regina's Heir" and knowing the genre will be YA Fantasy I was surprised by the modern setting at first - but that's just a minor note. <br />This line is a really masterful way to convey that she's adopted: <br />_________________________<br /><br />The other woman smiled at Kara. “I think I remember. She’s turning into a lovely young woman. She looks just like her mother.”<br /><br />Kara tensed, and a frown came to her face. “I--”<br /><br />“Oh, thank you,” Kara’s mother interrupted. “We’re certainly proud of her.”<br /><br />“Thanks, but I’m not--” Kara tried again.<br />___________________________<br /><br />It's subtle, but crystal clear. Honestly, I don't think you need to have her mother say "I know I'm not your biological mother" in their conversation in the car. I think you can do just what you did with this early part of the seem and have them talk around it without saying it out loud. Her adoption might even be more strongly outlined by the absence of them using the word directly, because you've done such a good job with the dialog that they couldn't be talking about anything else. Really impressive.<br /><br />It's obviously important to the story and Kara and Jordan go on to talk about it explicitly, but allowing the gears to turn in the reader's minds - Oh! I get it! - is really engaging. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14820659522541825744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-91697555462190117012014-08-27T12:29:47.171-04:002014-08-27T12:29:47.171-04:00Excellent! I love the conflict right out of the ga...Excellent! I love the conflict right out of the gate. I can't wait to read more!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18062170235750701811noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-19688087256510756002014-08-26T08:13:21.268-04:002014-08-26T08:13:21.268-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13436686606828984715noreply@blogger.com