tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post1810196546532654647..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #36 - THE ADVENTURES OF THE BOY-CRAZY-BOY-LOVERSMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-38120429453110388142014-03-01T16:39:32.787-05:002014-03-01T16:39:32.787-05:00I think this is a GREAT premise - the "all gi...I think this is a GREAT premise - the "all girls club" suddenly having to reconcile a boy in their midst - but I feel the language in this pitch doesn't match MG. Will words like feminist, ironic and postmodern appeal to an MG audience? Also, If they are only in middle school, how can they be having a 8 year reunion already? AYAP Judge Twohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02686657575192030157noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-24442588541584643932014-03-01T01:41:01.526-05:002014-03-01T01:41:01.526-05:00Judge comment: This could be a great draw for MG a...Judge comment: This could be a great draw for MG aged girls, but I'm thinking it's a bit outdated? If it's historical, say so instead of reluctant reader. Also, can all the girls like the boy? If it's just one, is it about her and her choice? Clarify in the pitch.Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-81151380774683822152014-02-26T17:38:56.283-05:002014-02-26T17:38:56.283-05:00This was a hard one to score--nearly the entire fi...This was a hard one to score--nearly the entire first paragraph is spent explaining the (relatively long) name of the girls' group. As a result, I found it somewhat hard to follow. I think you could lose the first 3 sentences and end up with a tight, enticing pitch. Maybe use that space to tell us more about their antics? (Also wondered if this is historical, going by the reference to "the death of the maxi pad belt"? Not sure this would even be on a contemporary girl's radar) The second paragraph, however, shows the conflict very well and also has great voice. Kind of sounds like a MG "Ya-Ya Sisterhood"AYAP Judge 1https://www.blogger.com/profile/16182849395867360908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-21325131100127028532014-02-25T13:20:10.908-05:002014-02-25T13:20:10.908-05:00I think there is a ton of potential in the idea of...I think there is a ton of potential in the idea of a group of MG neo-feminists, but I think the pitch could be improved. First, the maxi-pad belt line is funny, but I seriously doubt that middle-graders today even know what a maxi-pad belt is. Also, I think it would be funnier if rather than inspiring Isaac Newton Middle School, their exploits created havoc. I think SM is right about the reference to love seeming wrong for the age-group, maybe something lighter like crush would work better. Rebecca Stead's "When You Reach Me" describes an MG character's awakening interest in a boy in a very natural way - maybe check out how she describes it. Good luck and I love the first line.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11041461048761520454noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-24190179157601070392014-02-25T05:44:41.524-05:002014-02-25T05:44:41.524-05:00My main feedback is that this pitch doesn't so...My main feedback is that this pitch doesn't sound very MG to me with talk of maxi pads and love. <br /><br />The first sentence seems really long to me. Try reading it out loud - You can't get to the word said in one breath comfortably. Also 8 needs to be spelt out as eight. <br /><br />Good luck with it. SM Johnstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03546994863993080465noreply@blogger.com