tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post1692253456387547065..comments2023-06-24T08:30:59.493-04:00Comments on Adventures in YA Contests from: Entry #85 - SEE YOU THEN, JOSHUA JACOBSMartina Boonehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03358736828122139189noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-66968081127205954392014-03-01T01:23:56.727-05:002014-03-01T01:23:56.727-05:00Judge comment: I love the bit about the space time...Judge comment: I love the bit about the space time continuum. You might try reading the entire thing out loud, however -- the story isn't confusing but the way it's written makes it a little hard to follow. I'm also wondering if the second paragraph needs a little more punch. What sets this "learning a lesson" story apart from all the others?Lisa Gail Greenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03648323153868702165noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5090356376347540893.post-91424958448721061862014-02-25T14:56:28.440-05:002014-02-25T14:56:28.440-05:00The pitch is cool (though if JJ's dad really i...The pitch is cool (though if JJ's dad really is time travelling then it's not a contemporary).<br /><br />I was a bit put off by the first sentence with the use of the word 'you.' Is it a diary entry? Why is the narration talking to a character? <br /><br />There was nothing about him, his mother or the moving truck to warn me about what to expect from Joshua Jacobs. works way better for me. SM Johnstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03546994863993080465noreply@blogger.com